The passing of a great West Ham fan

Today we say goodbye to a dear old friend / Foe who sadly passed away whilst having an orgy with the members of the East end Weight watchers group. His heart was in overdrive and sadly he died whilst Dianne Abbott was sat on his face.
Stephen Day known as Daya, tw*t, obsessed former Cardiff fan, will be missed by absolutely no one. A former CCFC director. And known for his wind ups of hot air balloons over Wolverhampton Wanderers, and the Cardiff F1 team will be cremated this Friday and will be expected to burn for the next two months until all the alcohol in his system has evaporated.
We are asking for respectful comments at this sad time and can you please leave condolences below in a manner he would love to see.

Go on,one more bottle of the vinous nukes on another note though,stay away from crematorium on the day of cremation, as the air will reach dangerous toxicity levels,if you see bubbles,then run I was bored until now nukes

I have heard, he wanted some of his ashes spread outside Bargain Booze, and some put into an egg-timer, so he can carry on working as hard as he did in real life.

Sorry , maybe it's me but although I'm not his biggest fan I think this is in seriously bad taste.

Sorry , maybe it's me but although I'm not his biggest fan I think this is in seriously bad taste.

Sorry the mentioning of Dianne Abbott was in very bad taste and I apologise unreservedly. The thought of that would be enough to put anyone off there cornflakes this early.

Too late , the mental picture of Dianne Abbot sitting on anyone's face has put me off my porridge

Is this sussposed to be funny? If so I suggest a rewrite.

Cheered up a rainy day stuck in my van. Pmsl

Can I get a refund on my get well soon card?

Is this sussposed to be funny? If so I suggest a rewrite.

Can you go and find a sense of humour somewhere Chief

Is this sussposed to be funny? If so I suggest a rewrite.

Can you go and find a sense of humour somewhere Chief

And a spell check.