JOKE THREAD FOR TONIGHT

Good old Coke a kolo toure'!

Following the suspension of Kolo Toure today for failing a drugs test, Manchester City have issued a statement stating that there is no truth in the rumour that he took an "e" from his team-mate Jo.

The worst pub I've ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.

Last night during some role play my wife dressed up as Lara Croft.

The effort was nice but she reminded me more of a fridge raider.

The worst pub I've ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.

That's horrific mate! But hilarious at the same time.

GRANGE END - you forgot the word SHIT before joke in the title
although the shitest one of all - vile in, did tickle me

My mate was late round to my house tonight.
"Sorry," he winked, "the missus was giving me a wank."
"Did you come on her tits?" I asked.
He frowned, "No.. I walked."

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop wanking.
I asked, "Why?"
She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

GRANGE END - you forgot the word SHIT before joke in the title
although the shitest one of all - vile in, did tickle me

Sorry Milly theres a lull in me jokes i shall improve

I've had some really strange things happening in my house. Furniture moving, things flying across the room, and feathers absolutely everywhere.

I think my house is haunted by poltageese.

A bit of advice for you all !! When you are feling shit..........................................................................................................Wear gloves

A woman and her daughter go to the store to get the daughter a Barbie. At the store, the daughter asks the lady working at the store if Barbie comes with Ken.

She replies, "Oh no, Barbie only cums with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken."

Top tip for Manchester United fans: don't waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.

If God doesn't need a woman's consent to get her pregnant, why the f**k should I?.... Your Honour.

I was licking my missus out when I got a mouth full of thick creamy love juice. It forced me to pull away.

She said, "What are you doing? You haven't been down there very long."

"f**k me, That's rich coming from you.". I said as i wiped my mouth.