A JOKE TO CHEER YOU ALL UP

Forget the doom & gloom of Norwich nicking 198th minute goals & enjoy this gag I've just been sent.

If you've got any good jokes feel free to add!




A Norwich fan, a Cardiff fan and a QPR fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves there team more.

The Norwich fan insists he is the most loyal. "This is for the canaries" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the QPR fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells this is for the Hoops!" And pushes the Cardiff fan off the mountain.


Love you all really x

b*stard

A Cardiff, Norwich and QPR fan do SAS selection.

The final test is to show their loyalty to the regiment. The Cardiff fan goes first and is given a gun. He is told to go inside a room where his wife is and shoot her. The Cardif fans puts the gun back on the table and leaves the selection failing it in the process. The QPR fan also puts the gun down and tells the vigilator " I am a solder not a murderer", then leaves selection.

When the Norwich fan is told what to do he picks up the gun, walks into the room and closes the door behind him. Then there is a sound of a click of a gun coming from the room followed by alot of screaming and thumping. Eventually the canary fans comes out of the room looking worse for wear. He puts the gun on the table and say " You could at least tell me it was a blank bullet, I had to strangle the bitch".

A Cardiff, Norwich and QPR fan do SAS selection.

The final test is to show their loyalty to the regiment. The Cardiff fan goes first and is given a gun. He is told to go inside a room where his wife is and shoot her. The Cardif fans puts the gun back on the table and leaves the selection failing it in the process. The QPR fan also puts the gun down and tells the vigilator " I am a solder not a murderer", then leaves selection.

When the Norwich fan is told what to do he picks up the gun, walks into the room and closes the door behind him. Then there is a sound of a click of a gun coming from the room followed by alot of screaming and thumping. Eventually the canary fans comes out of the room looking worse for wear. He puts the gun on the table and say " You could at least tell me it was a blank bullet, I had to strangle the bitch".

A Cardiff, Norwich and QPR fan do SAS selection.

The final test is to show their loyalty to the regiment. The Cardiff fan goes first and is given a gun. He is told to go inside a room where his wife is and shoot her. The Cardif fans puts the gun back on the table and leaves the selection failing it in the process. The QPR fan also puts the gun down and tells the vigilator " I am a solder not a murderer", then leaves selection.

When the Norwich fan is told what to do he picks up the gun, walks into the room and closes the door behind him. Then there is a sound of a click of a gun coming from the room followed by alot of screaming and thumping. Eventually the canary fans comes out of the room looking worse for wear. He puts the gun on the table and say " You could at least tell me it was a blank bullet, I had to strangle the bitch".

Poor old Norwich, killed his wife and sister in one go!!!

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Bugger me, talk about Dyson with death.


Two friends are fishing near a bridge.
Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up,
takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on,
sits back down and carries on fishing.
His mate turns to him and says,
" Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen "
Dave replies,
" Well we were married for nearly 20 years "


Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead"
The operator says how do you know?
He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!


I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.


A man walks into a welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.
The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from?
You sound English", "I'm from across the severn," replies the man nervously.
"What do you do, just across the Severn?", "I'm a taxidermist."
"What on earth is one of those?", "I mount animals."
"Its alright boys," shouts the barman he's one of us.

An English man is walking through the welsh country side, sees a river near to some sheep and decides to go and have a look.
Seeing as he was a bit thirsty he thought he`d scoop some welsh water out of the river with one hand as it was such a hot day!!!!

A local saw him doing this from a far and shouted "Paid ayfed y dwr mae'r gwartheg yn cachi yn y dwr".
Which translates to "dont drink the water its full of sheep piss"

The man carries on drinking and says back to the local "i`m English I dont understand what your saying", so the Welshman walks up to him and says "It means....use both hands to drink the water you`ll get more in"

Chris Kamara commentating at the Royal Wedding;

Was there a wedding Jeff? I saw them walking down the aisle but I thought they were going to join the choir! I don't know Jeff, I don't know!



My wife said, "I want a divorce and half of everything you have"
So I put 50,000 indecent images of children on her lap top and called the police.