Friday's joke

Little Johnny's neighbours had a baby who was born with no ears. Johnny and his mum went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention it's ears. Johnny looked in the cot and said "What a lovely baby. How's its eyesight?" The mother said it was perfect. Johnny said "That's good because he'd be fucked if he needed glasses"

Little Johnny's neighbours had a baby who was born with no ears. Johnny and his mum went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention it's ears. Johnny looked in the cot and said "What a lovely baby. How's its eyesight?" The mother said it was perfect. Johnny said "That's good because he'd be fucked if he needed glasses"

so thats what you did with your extra hour in bed

Little Johnny's neighbours had a baby who was born with no ears. Johnny and his mum went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention it's ears. Johnny looked in the cot and said "What a lovely baby. How's its eyesight?" The mother said it was perfect. Johnny said "That's good because he'd be fucked if he needed glasses"

so thats what you did with your extra hour in bed

Was indeed

i only just got it after 15mins

BBC News - British student dies two weeks after falling from a balcony in Majorca.

F@ck, how high was that balcony!?

should of gone to hidden hearing

I walked into a pub and said to the barman, "Where's the ladies mate?"

He said, "Just around the corner, on your left."

30 seconds later I went back and said, "They must've gone mate, there's only toilets around there."

Now the News of the World is going out of print I was starting to wonder how I would get my weekly supply of whining, complaining, gossip, general outrage and complete bullshit.

Then I remembered I had a wife.

I love to pamper my girlfriend after she's had a stressful day at work. I get her to text me when she's leaving so I can get the hot tap running, swirl around the foam and bubbles and time everything perfectly so the moment she walks through the door the dishes are piled up and waiting for her.

WANTED

A tall, well-built woman with good
sense of humor, who can cook frog
legs and who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.

At the gym yesterday, i got chatting to a rather big girl, she was telling me how she had joined to lose a bit of weight, i said, "have you tried skipping?"

"with a rope like the boxers do?" she said..

"no" i replied "a few meals you fat tw*t!