Jeremy Kyle
Tue Feb 02, 2010 2:26 pm
Bored this morning, tuned into Jeremy Kyle - John Terry was on as a guest! I've written up a transcript for you.
Kyle : I'd like to welcome my next guest. Captain of Chelsea, captain of England going into a World Cup with his personal life in tatters.
Mother and mother in law shoplifters, dad a drugs dealer, giving illicit tours of Chelsea facilities for money. Make matters worse, cheated on his wife with the wife of a teammate and the worst part, not only gagged the media but paid for a secret abortion.
Crowd : BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kyle : Hold on, we've not heard his side yet, be fair. Please welcome John Terry.
( Terry walks onto the stage looking sheepish )
Kyle : John Terry, welcome to the show.
Terry : Thanks.
Kyle : Not the best of times for you, is it?
Terry : Things have been better, sure.
Kyle : Ok, time to have your say.
Terry : Well, hardly my fault is it? Essex born and bred, it's in the genes, innit?
Kyle : There are plenty of people from estates in Essex, are you seriously telling me all have such incidents?
Terry : Well, yeah, innit?
Kyle : And cheating with your best mates wife? Paying for an abortion?
Terry : Well, to be fair at the end of the day she was fit and gagging for it, innit.
Kyle : I've had enough. Clearly unrepentant, oh and by the way sunshine, any real parent of the year would be man enough to accept their responsibilities, get a job and support their child, not kill it.
Terry : (mutters)
Kyle ; Sorry?
Terry : Nothing.
Kyle : Pathetic. Well, folks, I've the lie detector results with me, remember they are 96% accurate.
( opens envelope )
Kyle : Well, well, well, guess what? It's back negative - you're a little liar aren't you?
Terry : What? It's wrong, I told the truth!
Kyle : Oh, I see, you're one of the 4% with a false result, how convenient. Man up, you're a dirty rotten stinking barefaced liar who can't accept what he's done... you disgust me.
( Terry sulks as Kyle walks into the audience )
Kyle : We asked you if you felt you were worth £170k a week... you said yes. Liar!
Terry : Abortions aren't cheap you know.
Kyle : Let's see what our audience think, eh? You sir
Gordon Brown : I'll tax him! tax on abortions too! Tax chat shows...
Terry : F*** this, I'm off to Monaco...
(Terry storms off)
copyright nerd
Kyle : I'd like to welcome my next guest. Captain of Chelsea, captain of England going into a World Cup with his personal life in tatters.
Mother and mother in law shoplifters, dad a drugs dealer, giving illicit tours of Chelsea facilities for money. Make matters worse, cheated on his wife with the wife of a teammate and the worst part, not only gagged the media but paid for a secret abortion.
Crowd : BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kyle : Hold on, we've not heard his side yet, be fair. Please welcome John Terry.
( Terry walks onto the stage looking sheepish )
Kyle : John Terry, welcome to the show.
Terry : Thanks.
Kyle : Not the best of times for you, is it?
Terry : Things have been better, sure.
Kyle : Ok, time to have your say.
Terry : Well, hardly my fault is it? Essex born and bred, it's in the genes, innit?
Kyle : There are plenty of people from estates in Essex, are you seriously telling me all have such incidents?
Terry : Well, yeah, innit?
Kyle : And cheating with your best mates wife? Paying for an abortion?
Terry : Well, to be fair at the end of the day she was fit and gagging for it, innit.
Kyle : I've had enough. Clearly unrepentant, oh and by the way sunshine, any real parent of the year would be man enough to accept their responsibilities, get a job and support their child, not kill it.
Terry : (mutters)
Kyle ; Sorry?
Terry : Nothing.
Kyle : Pathetic. Well, folks, I've the lie detector results with me, remember they are 96% accurate.
( opens envelope )
Kyle : Well, well, well, guess what? It's back negative - you're a little liar aren't you?
Terry : What? It's wrong, I told the truth!
Kyle : Oh, I see, you're one of the 4% with a false result, how convenient. Man up, you're a dirty rotten stinking barefaced liar who can't accept what he's done... you disgust me.
( Terry sulks as Kyle walks into the audience )
Kyle : We asked you if you felt you were worth £170k a week... you said yes. Liar!
Terry : Abortions aren't cheap you know.
Kyle : Let's see what our audience think, eh? You sir
Gordon Brown : I'll tax him! tax on abortions too! Tax chat shows...
Terry : F*** this, I'm off to Monaco...
(Terry storms off)
copyright nerd
Re: Jeremy Kyle
Tue Feb 02, 2010 2:48 pm
Hahaha, love the copyright at the bottom as well nerd. 
Re: Jeremy Kyle
Tue Feb 02, 2010 2:58 pm
on tomorrows show is peter risdale!
LIES, DECIET AND HAVING TO COPE WITH HAVING THE WORLDS BIGGEST NOSE!
Re: Jeremy Kyle
Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:04 pm
No point doing a lie detector with Ridsdale... you'll have to whip out the truth detector!
Re: Jeremy Kyle
Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:14 pm
Zabier wrote:No point doing a lie detector with Ridsdale... you'll have to whip out the truth detector!
He'd blow the lie detector machine up.
Like so - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kOQZP4cbrw
Re: Jeremy Kyle
Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:38 pm
milly44 wrote::lol:
on tomorrows show is peter risdale!
LIES, DECIET AND HAVING TO COPE WITH HAVING THE WORLDS BIGGEST NOSE!
Jeremy Kyle would be soooooooooo confused by the end of the morning with him on his show as he would never answer ANY Q straight!