Online Wanking

Thats what it should be called not banking - what a frigging joke it is . Just had a right rant at the head of digital at Natwest

What i wrote to him
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Well Andy ,

At the bottom of your email it claims you are " head of digital" - well following my last email some 10 minutes ago to you - i gave up with digital as your 42/7 ask online was rubbish and picked up the good old fashioned telephone!!

Sunday morning and what a result - answered the phone straight away and actually got some one in Britain !!!!!!!

Yes - thank god for that , the lovely girl in her Northern Accent explains straight away that theres a " lock" on my account - funny how your digital screen couldnt tell me that in the bloody first place !!

Anyway she then resolves my other message of non understanding - " clear your cookies " in Northern what you at digital can't explain in English or answer on your 24/7 section.

So I put down the phone after being told everything will work now as the " lock" has been lifted - fantastic you would think !!!!!!!!!!

BUT NO - forgot this was Natwest Online banking !!!

It asks me for 12 characters for a 6 character password!!!!!!!! well what a bloody surprise !!! so this time I ring the good old fashioned telephone and get another lovely Northern voice - tell her my problem - her reply was simple

" its a fault thats common , we are aware of it - what you have to do is enter 0 in where you shouldnt and wait for it to ask again - well guess what Andy head of bloody Digital second time it asked me for the 8th character of a 6 character and third time it asked me for the 9th !!!!!!

Guess what now `Mr Andy head of digital !! go on have a guess - yes you probably have got it

"Customer advice, please address the following issues:
The details that you have entered have not been recognised.

For your security, your online service has been temporarily locked. No further attempts will be accepted.

If you provide us with the following details, you should be able to access the service in just a few minutes:

Im again locked out ! and now you want me to go form filling again - well sod that !!!! whats the point your Digital dont work !!! it will probably ask me for the 15th character of a 6 character password anyway !!! and when i follow the enter 0 instruction as given by Natwest Staff - i will get locked out again !!!!

Andy - you tell me your the head of digital in your email that arrives at 3AM - can you tell me how your got that title because your digital simply does not work.

Not being funny - but it's hardly rocket science to ask online for the correct amount of characters ? And when you know it does this how about actually fixing it ?

Im going to watch the F1 in a minute to relax from the stress of dealing with Natwest Digital the last 24 hours - you as the Head of Digital is giving me the thoughts of Jack Duckworth at the wheel of the Ferrari !

Can you picture the car coming in the pits with Jacko shouting " the 4th wheels not working " and the pit crew shouting " dont worry Jacko , we know but what you have to do is do the wrong thing to get it to work - enter a dodgy number in , well it might work anyway " " otherwise drive on 3 wheels it should work"

Now Andy head of digital who emailed me with that title this morning ( i bet you wished you hadn't now ! ) - come on confess , why not just put on your digital screen the truth instead of winding people up .

How about a little digital box that says " if we cock up and ask you for too many characters enter the wrong ones and start again "

Another box " After we lock you out again for following our instructions - please go and have a fag and stay calm before having to refill out all the digital forms again "

Andy - it's time for another fag to relieve the blood pressure of the so called Digital world that clearly doesn't work - well not for you anyway and your the head !!!

Andy - did you blag the job mate ? come on you can tell me - i've been in sales for over 30 years mate , i know every blag going , " head of digital" come on fella , thats a corker !! Do you want to come and sell furniture for me ? you must have a great sales pitch if you blagged your way to head of digital at Nat West Bank and you can't even get a simple web site to work !!

We will be turning over aprox 20-30 million through this account over the next 12 months ( i doubt i will actually see it though as i cant get online ) could the head of digital please advise how i should run this account - transfer money to China on a daily basis , receive monies from UK customers on a daily basis and check they have paid me without going online - well i cant go online because it dont bloody work !!

Please Mr Head of Digital - Tell me how . Shall i move into the local Branch ?

I doubt i will hear from you today - more than likely the next email from head of digital will arrive at 3AM like the last one - are you in Britain ? Then that email wont answer any of my questions anyway - be automated like the rest of the junk you email !

Andy " head of digital " top blag mate - fair play - you had us with that one !

I'll just wait now go and watch the racing and wait to hear from my loyal business Manager who's always bang on the button , and hes not Digital thank god but i bet my bottom dollar hes restricted by you digi boys !! ( thats if you really are one !)

Regards

Hey Steve. Give me you account login details as well as your credit card number and ccv. I'll sort it for you.

Hey Steve. Give me you account login details as well as your credit card number and ccv. I'll sort it for you.

You legend.


That's is all.

Keep us updated.

You legend.


That's is all.

Keep us updated.

i wont get a reply until 4 AM im sure from the blagger of the digital department !

You legend.


That's is all.

Keep us updated.

i wont get a reply until 4 AM im sure from the blagger of the digital department !

I switched to hsbc because natwest saw fit to charge me £40 a month but not tell me what it was for!

Totally agree mate, I’ve recently been offered a “superb” service from Nat West called mentoring. Basically its Nat West being very helpful in offering a facility where you can have the services of one of their consultants to advise you all about employment law and health and safety etc. Real reason of course is try and make money out of you which is what banks are all about – offering you something you don’t want but they think you should have. Is giving the V sign illegal under health and safety law given it might offend and cause the recipient to then get a complex about not being liked? Regarding online banking its crap!!!!!!!!

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wot one of my customers said

I believe this is what Nat West's adverts claim is 'Helpful Banking'!!

I believe this is what Nat West's adverts claim is 'Helpful Banking'!!

good point !! that will be in my next email !

have you tried using a longer pass word with say 12 digits or what ever there maximum is that should stop log in problems keep us updated good read that was