Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Dear Mrs R,

I don`t know if you remember my brother Leefoy (slightly ambidextrous, webbed feet and hard of hearing) anyway Leefoy and his good lady wife Xi Chang Woi have a few laying hens and geese in their garden, but recently Xi Chang as liberated a 4 year old male timber wolf from Chessington zoo as part of her animal liberation front activities. Knowing that your good self once worked in the reptile house at Whipsnade zoo. I was wondering if it would be advisable to mix the animals together in a childs wendy house, that the chickens and geese already live in ?

Our could you see problems with this course of action. Incidentally get every penny you have got on Paraguay to win world cup, Baz told me their a dead cert.

paraguay are dead certs, i have a spare frame for a wendy house if you require it but the roof and walls blew away in the great porth storm of '86, last seen heading towards trehafod, have you got room for an injured shetland pony(3rd degree burns on 1 hoof) and a spare bag of pickled radish


thanks in advance

ps hows your grandson elvert??

Elgart is well, but by god its been a ruddy poor radish harvest this year, the worst I can remember since last year in fact. How the hell the Rhondda Cynon Taff Radish Clubs annual show and dinner dance will go this year is anyones guess.

Please, Please, Please feel free to drop the Shetland over to me anytime day or night, ,I am now running an equestrian rescue centre from the back bedroom, I have two shire horses in there already, but I am positive we could slot him in.

Dear Mrs R,

I don`t know if you remember my brother Leefoy (slightly ambidextrous, webbed feet and hard of hearing) anyway Leefoy and his good lady wife Xi Chang Woi have a few laying hens and geese in their garden, but recently Xi Chang as liberated a 4 year old male timber wolf from Chessington zoo as part of her animal liberation front activities. Knowing that your good self once worked in the reptile house at Whipsnade zoo. I was wondering if it would be advisable to mix the animals together in a childs wendy house, that the chickens and geese already live in ?

Our could you see problems with this course of action. Incidentally get every penny you have got on Paraguay to win world cup, Baz told me their a dead cert.

yes i remember leefoy very well i think he may be the father to my oldest child.anyway timber wolves can be kept in pre 1963 wendyhouses as long as thay are well feed as thay have been known to fight to the death over the smallest of problems i would recomend some entertainment for them what i do for my timber wolves is i play thhe copys of the bay city rollers gratest hits it seems to keep them calm ...... if you have any problems with them there is a bloke in mary street he goes by the name of mr terry hoocker he is up to date with all things timber wolf

Thanks for this wonderful advice, I will contact this gentleman Mr Hooker tomorrow, I hear he`s an expert on barn owls as well,

Thanks for this wonderful advice, I will contact this gentleman Mr Hooker tomorrow, I hear he`s an expert on barn owls as well,

. [[[[ yes i have used mr hooker a few times now always a gentel man knows his wild animals i can remember back last april my husband found a python up at the tump he fed it a cat and let it go he is very cheap as well ,,,,,,, god bless mr t hooker.

Bay City Rollers ? OMG whatever next mun

Thanks for this wonderful advice, I will contact this gentleman Mr Hooker tomorrow, I hear he`s an expert on barn owls as well,

. [[[[ yes i have used mr hooker a few times now always a gentel man knows his wild animals i can remember back last april my husband found a python up at the tump he fed it a cat and let it go he is very cheap as well ,,,,,,, god bless mr t hooker.

it was my bald siberian leper cat that it ate

Thanks for this wonderful advice, I will contact this gentleman Mr Hooker tomorrow, I hear he`s an expert on barn owls as well,

. [[[[ yes i have used mr hooker a few times now always a gentel man knows his wild animals i can remember back last april my husband found a python up at the tump he fed it a cat and let it go he is very cheap as well ,,,,,,, god bless mr t hooker.

it was my bald siberian leper cat that it ate

,,,,,,,,, mr baz you and john bowens brotherj should get down to mary street and insist on compensation a bald siberian ieper cat should not be allowed to eat a stray python god knows what illness it could catch.

penrhys lurgy pox

penrhys lurgy pox

thats deadly if you catch it 3 times.

you can clear it up by mixing pidgeon feathers with creosote and foxgloves and eating it

you can clear it up by mixing pidgeon feathers with creosote and foxgloves and eating it

,,,,, in the old days we used to use a pipe cleaner and cock tail sticks . how times have changed

I have always found a quarter teaspoon of bayleafs, two duracell batteries mixe with honey, lard and metal fillings boiled in goats milk, placed into a flame thrower and fired into the loft always did the trick in my pigeon racing days. On a more serious note Mrs Ramsgate I arranged to speak to Mr Terry Hooker as you recommended about my timber wolf problem, but was left absolutley shocked at what I witnessed on visiting the Hooker residence, so shocked in fact my left elbow exploded. On arrival at his house Mr Hooker was seen to be in the throws of passion with his own sister (again) I thought he had left this appaling behaviour behind him many years ago, but apparently not. I am now consulting another animal behaviourist expert, called Mr Terry Blinkhorn, who as been highly recommended to me by a gentleman called Phil Leonard.

I have always found a quarter teaspoon of bayleafs, two duracell batteries mixe with honey, lard and metal fillings boiled in goats milk, placed into a flame thrower and fired into the loft always did the trick in my pigeon racing days. On a more serious note Mrs Ramsgate I arranged to speak to Mr Terry Hooker as you recommended about my timber wolf problem, but was left absolutley shocked at what I witnessed on visiting the Hooker residence, so shocked in fact my left elbow exploded. On arrival at his house Mr Hooker was seen to be in the throws of passion with his own sister (again) I thought he had left this appaling behaviour behind him many years ago, but apparently not. I am now consulting another animal behaviourist expert, called Mr Terry Blinkhorn, who as been highly recommended to me by a gentleman called Phil Leonard.

......... good god that mr h is a mad man i wish i did not recomend him to you know a man of your calebar dose not need that sort of nonsense in his life ,,,,,, i aasure you you will have no trouble with big phil he is the most honest man i have ever met ..... another man you might like to approach with your wild life problems john willis ( wombat) another reliable sort.

[quote][/quote],

I did think of Wombat, he`s a lovely guy, but sadly he no longer lives in the UK, he emigrated along with Little Paul Thomas & Nipper to Tibet some years ago, to join a group of tibetan monks. Its just a pity that the late Jeff Morgans no longer with us, he spent many years as you well know, breeding ostriches on a small holding just by the side of Sarn services, he would have been a great help too me.

,

I did think of Wombat, he`s a lovely guy, but sadly he no longer lives in the UK, he emigrated along with Little Paul Thomas & Nipper to Tibet some years ago, to join a group of tibetan monks. Its just a pity that the late Jeff Morgans no longer with us, he spent many years as you well know, breeding ostriches on a small holding just by the side of Sarn services, he would have been a great help too me.

,,,,,,,,,, yes i herd of the passing of mr morgan a very sad day for the pepole of the rhonnda valley his charety work for the elderly will never be forgoten . i know jeff had his own demons with his dabeling in the dark side of the accult but i had a soft spot for him and brian webb . i was talking to brian in hereford market last wendsday him and his mother where trying to buy a trio of aylsbury ducks for christmas dinner . i dont think thay where succsesful that day but knowing them two thay will get them from some where.

all his rambling on does not solve the problem that my shetland pony with the deep fried leg needs a home, mrs b has told me it must be gone by tomorrow evening, i also have a yak in my conservatory and it smells bad, real bad, have you got any deodarant for a yak i can borrow



thanks in advance

Baz your right, this rambling does not solve this very serious issue you are having to contend with viv a vis the shetland/yak problem. I have sorted this out for you, the shetland must be slaughtered immediatedly due to it carrying the highly contagious "deep fried shetland" disease, which is transmitable to humans and also beavers. Mr Alan Rowe will carry out the killing and butchering tomorrow afternoon at 3.00pm in Hannah Street. The yak situation is tricky as they are a protected species as you know, could we perhaps convey it in a Ford Anglia to a person who might appreciate it ? I know for a fact that if he had still been alive Jimmy Lloyd would have taken it off your hands, what about dumping it on Selwyn Bents doorstep ? If Mrs B is still finding the yak aroma unpleasant, spray the yak and your entire house with a mixture of petrol and those landmines I gave you, and light a few candles, this should allieviate the problem.

On a more serious note I bumped into Brian Webb tonight he was successfull in purchasing the 3 alsebury ducks, but dear old Mrs Webb feed them ready mixed concrete, and inadvertently killed them. He is now looking for a pair of Quails

Baz your right, this rambling does not solve this very serious issue you are having to contend with viv a vis the shetland/yak problem. I have sorted this out for you, the shetland must be slaughtered immediatedly due to it carrying the highly contagious "deep fried shetland" disease, which is transmitable to humans and also beavers. Mr Alan Rowe will carry out the killing and butchering tomorrow afternoon at 3.00pm in Hannah Street. The yak situation is tricky as they are a protected species as you know, could we perhaps convey it in a Ford Anglia to a person who might appreciate it ? I know for a fact that if he had still been alive Jimmy Lloyd would have taken it off your hands, what about dumping it on Selwyn Bents doorstep ? If Mrs B is still finding the yak aroma unpleasant, spray the yak and your entire house with a mixture of petrol and those landmines I gave you, and light a few candles, this should allieviate the problem.

On a more serious note I bumped into Brian Webb tonight he was successfull in purchasing the 3 alsebury ducks, but dear old Mrs Webb feed them ready mixed concrete, and inadvertently killed them. He is now looking for a pair of Quails

...... i have just the man you may be looking for he goes by the name of jack atherton he has been in the quail game for more years than i care to remember mr atherton dosent deal with sterling so you may have to take some thing else up to his farm to get this pair of dutch quail off him i always find that any type of porn mags seam to do very well when dealing with mr atherton if that dosent work try a tin of mushy peas that will defanatly work all the best love rose ramsgate.

Rose my darling I appreciate this advise from you, unfortunatley Mr Atherton was sectioned last September under the mental heath act 1989. For going beserk in a local Tesco branch with a sawn off shotgun. Apparently Mr Atherton was demanding that Tesco stop using quail eggs in their blancmange supreme deserts, which as you well now are a best seller in Tesco`s. I have however on the quail front put Brian and dear old Mrs Webb in touch with the president of the UK Quail Fanciers Association a gentleman by the name of Martin Bodman ? I don`t know him my self, although I hear he as led a bit of a criminal type of lifestyle before quails became part of his life. We shall see how this develops. I do have a vague recollection of Martin having a brother or possibly stepbrother who had a fasination in Morris Minors ?

Rose my darling I appreciate this advise from you, unfortunatley Mr Atherton was sectioned last September under the mental heath act 1989. For going beserk in a local Tesco branch with a sawn off shotgun. Apparently Mr Atherton was demanding that Tesco stop using quail eggs in their blancmange supreme deserts, which as you well now are a best seller in Tesco`s. I have however on the quail front put Brian and dear old Mrs Webb in touch with the president of the UK Quail Fanciers Association a gentleman by the name of Martin Bodman ? I don`t know him my self, although I hear he as led a bit of a criminal type of lifestyle before quails became part of his life. We shall see how this develops. I do have a vague recollection of Martin having a brother or possibly stepbrother who had a fasination in Morris Minors ?

dear jbbj
mr bodman changed his name by depole last christmas eve to martin bodmington as he was geting crank calls from the animal libaration front for his vile habits and crual deeds ( and some would say vendeta ) against african bee keepers ; i dont know if you new the out come of the court case but mr bodmington got away scott free on all cruelty charges as not one bee keeper had the balls to go up against this conservative voting lonatic any way if you need any advie from martin you can still find him in the usual place working in pontypridd citezen advice center or if you are in ponty when he is on his lunch brake he will be down by where the two rivers meet drinking his cans of special brew.

mr bodminton is now doing time for selling the skins from river taff gnats, he was also accused of selling the aphrodisiac extracted from the urine of ragworm leeches that can only be found in the rainforrest in llanwonno, do not approach this person he is armed and dangerous, normally carries a sawn off super soaker filled with luke warm water



and wears a smelly afghan hippy coat

Thank you both for this information regarding Martin Bodman/Bodminton, I will leave him well alone though he does not sound unstable in anyway. It does not matter about the information needed on quails now anyway, Mrs Webb as decided to become an international cociane smuggler and dealer, amazing really considering she`s 99 years old, anyway I have put her in touch with a local cociane smuggler who as links to most of the big Columbian cociane cartels, you might know him, he`s called Dai Peanuts. On a completley different note Mrs Ramsgate I take it all back, I bumped into Tracey Hooker last night whilst purchasing my weekend essentials from Bargain Booze, and I must now agree with you that she does indeed have a very impressive chest.

Tip for tonight England 2 USA 0 Bobby Charlton to score first, I put £90 on this on the bookies, and they gave me odds of 100,000-1 their mad these bookies.

Thank you both for this information regarding Martin Bodman/Bodminton, I will leave him well alone though he does not sound unstable in anyway. It does not matter about the information needed on quails now anyway, Mrs Webb as decided to become an international cociane smuggler and dealer, amazing really considering she`s 99 years old, anyway I have put her in touch with a local cociane smuggler who as links to most of the big Columbian cociane cartels, you might know him, he`s called Dai Peanuts. On a completley different note Mrs Ramsgate I take it all back, I bumped into Tracey Hooker last night whilst purchasing my weekend essentials from Bargain Booze, and I must now agree with you that she does indeed have a very impressive chest.
Tip for tonight England 2 USA 0 Bobby Charlton to score first, I put £90 on this on the bookies, and they gave me odds of 100,000-1 their mad these bookies.

i am afraid she had them inplanted from a norwegion polar bear(male)

By god Baz, if this is the end result, then I say we should be looking at mass breeding of Norwegian polar bears, to surgically enhance and improve womens chests. I know my own attempt at a using clay and sulphuric acid to improve my good lady wifes breasts in 1997 were disasterous. She ended up in intesive care for six years, and for some inexplicable reason the medical board struck me off as a doctor. Luckily I have now found alternative employment as cheerleader with the San Diego 49ers and my wifes breasts have been rebuilt by a Dr Fritz Haggenstiller from Switzerland, this was costly procedure, but shes worth it.

JBBJ

i remember the incident very well, was you not good mates with a mr shipman too

I knew him slightly on a purely professional basis, when were both studying taxidermy at the Rochester School of taxidermy possibly back in about 1974, he came across as a smashing chap back then, I was shocked at his later expliots. But I was extremely close to his wife, I must emphasise this was merely a mutual friendship brought about in our shared interest in the breeding habits of woodpeckers, and nothing more than that.

yes rochester school my husband harry had a bad exsperiance there in may 1963 he was teaching oragarmy to some greek catholics when he was accused of flashing his private parts (penis) to them but what thay did not realise was harry was not right in the head in them days and he thought that he was in the eagle toilets in ynishire ( i think it was the cocane speed dope acid smak magic mushrooms.) he was taking at that time but he ended up losing his job over the inncident and never worked again . thats why he keeps chickins rabitts mice and taddpoles now i really hate the old man and wish he would leave me so i could have my old lover baz and winston back.

i have moved on, i am now dating a hamster called nerys who resides in a bedsit in wattstown, although i have been known to dabble with the odd hump backed toad fro maerdy rezz

the truth is rose you dont really do it for me anymore