Have you ever shit yourself?

Almost did today! thought it was a fart but realised it was much more than just simple flatulence!!

I was in town so very uncomfortable!!

After a dodgy curry the night before and a load of ale the first fart in bed in the morning can be a matter of SHIT OR NO SHIT

Almost did today! thought it was a fart but realised it was much more than just simple flatulence!!

I was in town so very uncomfortable!!

a quick trip to next for some new pants!

minging!!!

Almost did today! thought it was a fart but realised it was much more than just simple flatulence!!

I was in town so very uncomfortable!!

a quick trip to next for some new pants!

dont you mean mothercare for nappies.

Almost did today! thought it was a fart but realised it was much more than just simple flatulence!!

I was in town so very uncomfortable!!

a quick trip to next for some new pants!

dont you mean mothercare for nappies.

I have been known to find a turd in my pants every now and then. i tell everybody in work about my friend mr hankey the christmas poo.They love it the dirty stinking bastards.

I played football the morning after a massive session once. I was a mess and I have no idea how I was chosen to start the game. Anyway, it was out at St Mellons and the fuckers had locked the shitter. I was gasping for a squirt so had to hold it in but it was so bad that every time I ran, I could feel the turtle's head crowning.

As the game wore on I felt I was winning the battle but then in my drunken stupor I tripped over my own feet and landed right on my arse. I have never before panicked so much at the potential bowel eruption. I had to sit there for literally 5 minutes pretending to be winded in order to keep it in.

The minute the full time whistle went I just legged it to Tesco and unleashed the beast. Honestly, I've never felt relief so much before. You appreciate the finer things in life when you've had to endure such an epic battle with an impeding sloppy turd. I congratulated my bowel muscles afterwards. It was quite a victory.

I do sometimes think about what threads to start on here and think will it get ignored etc!!

No worries now after this one LOL

I played football the morning after a massive session once. I was a mess and I have no idea how I was chosen to start the game. Anyway, it was out at St Mellons and the fuckers had locked the shitter. I was gasping for a squirt so had to hold it in but it was so bad that every time I ran, I could feel the turtle's head crowning.

As the game wore on I felt I was winning the battle but then in my drunken stupor I tripped over my own feet and landed right on my arse. I have never before panicked so much at the potential bowel eruption. I had to sit there for literally 5 minutes pretending to be winded in order to keep it in.

The minute the full time whistle went I just legged it to Tesco and unleashed the beast. Honestly, I've never felt relief so much before. You appreciate the finer things in life when you've had to endure such an epic battle with an impeding sloppy turd. I congratulated my bowel muscles afterwards. It was quite a victory.

Wish I was there to eat it.

Was in town the other night in Pica Pica bought a lager was £4.40 I nearly shit myself

This is a shit thread

just read this thread, f*cking mad ! years ago , me and my ex had been on an all dayer on the bow, as usual end up arguing and going to bed in a strop, in the early hours of the morning i needed a piss, but i had to climb over the fat bitch to get to the toilet. as i was climbing over her i felt a fart coming on, so i thought f**k her i`ll do it on her face, as you do! so i lowered my arse over her chops and let it go, oops, it was a little wet! ......i had just spray tanned her from the neck up, ....i was dabbing her with wet bog roll for about an hour later!!!...told her the next day she had her head down the pan spewing so f**k knows wot was over her

just read this thread, f*cking mad ! years ago , me and my ex had been on an all dayer on the bow, as usual end up arguing and going to bed in a strop, in the early hours of the morning i needed a piss, but i had to climb over the fat bitch to get to the toilet. as i was climbing over her i felt a fart coming on, so i thought f**k her i`ll do it on her face, as you do! so i lowered my arse over her chops and let it go, oops, it was a little wet! ......i had just spray tanned her from the neck up, ....i was dabbing her with wet bog roll for about an hour later!!!...told her the next day she had her head down the pan spewing so f**k knows wot was over her

just read this thread, f*cking mad ! years ago , me and my ex had been on an all dayer on the bow, as usual end up arguing and going to bed in a strop, in the early hours of the morning i needed a piss, but i had to climb over the fat bitch to get to the toilet. as i was climbing over her i felt a fart coming on, so i thought f**k her i`ll do it on her face, as you do! so i lowered my arse over her chops and let it go, oops, it was a little wet! ......i had just spray tanned her from the neck up, ....i was dabbing her with wet bog roll for about an hour later!!!...told her the next day she had her head down the pan spewing so f**k knows wot was over her

if that is true thats one of the funniest stories i've heard, .. in a long time

one night i was in town on the lash , absoloutely DYING for a shit!, was no toilet and no way making it to next bar then cue to go take a shit.. so I though f**k it im gonna do one right here down the lane its dark no ones about....
group of people walking past half way through, thought i'd finished pulled my pants up not realising that i missed parts when pulling boxers up...
5 mins later realised what happend... It was a short lived night after that

Once playing football after a night on the tiles....not good in white shorts. Had to wait 35 minutes to change, wish I hadn't. Scored twice in the shit shorts and couldn't hit the target with my Daz shorts.

I once shat in the 9th hole of the golf course on Oystermouth Road in Jackland! Lovely it was!

just read this thread, f*cking mad ! years ago , me and my ex had been on an all dayer on the bow, as usual end up arguing and going to bed in a strop, in the early hours of the morning i needed a piss, but i had to climb over the fat bitch to get to the toilet. as i was climbing over her i felt a fart coming on, so i thought f**k her i`ll do it on her face, as you do! so i lowered my arse over her chops and let it go, oops, it was a little wet! ......i had just spray tanned her from the neck up, ....i was dabbing her with wet bog roll for about an hour later!!!...told her the next day she had her head down the pan spewing so f**k knows wot was over her

thanks my laughter has woken everyone

I was in newport on the piss not long ago, as you know you cannot shit in night club toilets
So my only choice was to get a taxi home, as the pain was getting to bad, so a £12 taxi home, quid shit (wasnt a one wipe either and the metre was running same taxi back in to town, near enough £30 spent for a shit

just read this thread, f*cking mad ! years ago , me and my ex had been on an all dayer on the bow, as usual end up arguing and going to bed in a strop, in the early hours of the morning i needed a piss, but i had to climb over the fat bitch to get to the toilet. as i was climbing over her i felt a fart coming on, so i thought f**k her i`ll do it on her face, as you do! so i lowered my arse over her chops and let it go, oops, it was a little wet! ......i had just spray tanned her from the neck up, ....i was dabbing her with wet bog roll for about an hour later!!!...told her the next day she had her head down the pan spewing so f**k knows wot was over her

thanks my laughter has woken everyone

Hahahahahaha i actually have tears running down my face an the miss's just shouted shut the f**k up to me from upstairs lol
In butlins i used to drink every night for about 3 years so my bowl movements were loose at the best of times , me an the miss's was both hammerd after a night out one night an got down to drunken sex when we got in only pulled my jeans down an my manhood out through my boxer buttons but about half way through i felt a fart come on so hoped it would be a silent one but it was a loud wet fucker an i actually pebble dashed my boxers good thing though she was hammerd an thought it was a fanny fart

I was in newport on the piss not long ago, as you know you cannot shit in night club toilets
So my only choice was to get a taxi home, as the pain was getting to bad, so a £12 taxi home, quid shit (wasnt a one wipe either and the metre was running same taxi back in to town, near enough £30 spent for a shit

Where's your shitting partner when u need him?

I was in newport on the piss not long ago, as you know you cannot shit in night club toilets
So my only choice was to get a taxi home, as the pain was getting to bad, so a £12 taxi home, quid shit (wasnt a one wipe either and the metre was running same taxi back in to town, near enough £30 spent for a shit

Where's your shitting partner when u need him?

Even though i was rushing, it was still nice to have a shit without Gary sat there busting one out...

I was in newport on the piss not long ago, as you know you cannot shit in night club toilets
So my only choice was to get a taxi home, as the pain was getting to bad, so a £12 taxi home, quid shit (wasnt a one wipe either and the metre was running same taxi back in to town, near enough £30 spent for a shit

Where's your shitting partner when u need him?

Even though i was rushing, it was still nice to have a shit without Gary sat there busting one out...

He's not scared of any c**t, he would have done the taxi driver over!

He aint scared of no c**t, he was a funny bloke him, but FFS dont bring him again

Followed through in Les Croupiers after arting once and had to dump me kecks behind the bog. I freshened up sufficiently to place £3 on zero for a nice £108 return. Luckiest squirter ever.

Followed through in Les Croupiers after arting once and had to dump me kecks behind the bog. I freshened up sufficiently to place £3 on zero for a nice £108 return. Luckiest squirter ever.

Is your name Mark Spencer by anychance

Great thread Baz ...I'm sure Nukes will comment.

Milly,

No mate! Is there someone else who had a similar lucky follow through?

He aint scared of no c**t, he was a funny bloke him, but FFS dont bring him again

He's already making his own plans to return!

Great thread Baz ...I'm sure Nukes will comment.

I'm not surprised he shat himself Marc, With all the action he gets up there his muscles have disappeared to hold it in.