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Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Sun Jun 13, 2010 6:24 pm

Harsh words indeed Baz, you better than anyone else, should now what Rose as endured from that swine of an husband of hers during the 56 years they have been married. Harry Ramsgate is nothing more than a wife beating, sexually depraved monster who as made poor Rose`s life hell with his acts of flashing, dogging and is bizarre interest in transexualism. I myself have tried everything to get Rose away from this animal, but its not been easy, given his mental health issues and how violent he can become. He attacked me on one occasion with one of his prize winning marrows, which left me with a broken pelvis and 4 stitches in my ear. His interest in mice, chickens and tadpoles are all a front for his underlying evilness. Baz we need to pioneer a scheme where we can rescue Rose, and get him away from this vile creature. Okay I accept you are now spoken for with Nerys the hamster, but if we could rescue Rose, her and Winston could begin a new life together, somewhere where Harry could never find them like Tangiers or Montreal etc. We could use my Ford Capri and the cross channel ferry to achieve this, equally we could perhaps enlist the help of some of your old SAS mates and airlift them to safety, then drive them in your mark 2 Cortina to a country of their choice ?

JBBJ

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:18 am

John Bowens brotherj wrote:Harsh words indeed Baz, you better than anyone else, should now what Rose as endured from that swine of an husband of hers during the 56 years they have been married. Harry Ramsgate is nothing more than a wife beating, sexually depraved monster who as made poor Rose`s life hell with his acts of flashing, dogging and is bizarre interest in transexualism. I myself have tried everything to get Rose away from this animal, but its not been easy, given his mental health issues and how violent he can become. He attacked me on one occasion with one of his prize winning marrows, which left me with a broken pelvis and 4 stitches in my ear. His interest in mice, chickens and tadpoles are all a front for his underlying evilness. Baz we need to pioneer a scheme where we can rescue Rose, and get him away from this vile creature. Okay I accept you are now spoken for with Nerys the hamster, but if we could rescue Rose, her and Winston could begin a new life together, somewhere where Harry could never find them like Tangiers or Montreal etc. We could use my Ford Capri and the cross channel ferry to achieve this, equally we could perhaps enlist the help of some of your old SAS mates and airlift them to safety, then drive them in your mark 2 Cortina to a country of their choice ?

JBBJ

//////// ooooooooooooooo jbbj i think you and you alone under stand my plight with this man. baz thinks harry is a good man but you understand what really goes on my husband has always been a compleat tw*t i can remember when me and harry went to liverpool for our honeymoon and harry ended up in jail for getting into a fight with ken dodd over a flipant remark ken made about diddy men 3 days the bugger was locked up for. and left me to fend for my self luckely ken said i could stay with him as his wife ann was in berlin visiting her family ken was fantastic to me treated me like a reall lady fish and chips zoom lolly pops old english cider spangles and most of all dandy lion and burdouch pop . any way on the saterday morning ken came into my room and took advantage of me and i think that my son tarquwin is kens i have never told harry about this............... any way jbbj do you think that you and tweet could do a dna test on tarquin to find out who the father is there is a therd man involved i wont say his name till after we find out if harry or ken are fathers to my off spring.

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Mon Jun 14, 2010 8:48 pm

I have heard similar information regarding Ken Dodd. I myself was the victim of a similar type of attack from that little chef out of Crossroads called Shewie Mcfee. What an utter waster of man, he made lewd remarks and also questioned me at lenghth about my sexual orientation at a Crossroads convention in Wolverhampton. I never watched Crossroads again after this. I feel your over reacting to young Tarquins parentage he is the spitting image of your husband Harry, young Tarquin is seven foot four, as six legs and talks with a strange asteroid dialect, he`s nothing at all like that scoundrel Ken Dodd. If it gives you peace of mind I will get Tweet to carry out a DNA test, but personally I think your wasting your money. I can only imagine the third man involved, say no more, that bloody swine John Luckwell, he`s a sexually deginirateive imbecile, who should be castrated.

When are you and Harry off to Turkey for your holidays. myself the wife and our au pair Imogen fly off to Portugal on Sunday, I don`t really want to go but, the wife wants to visit a goat sanctuary there. I suppose I will have to keep Imogen company on one of these naturist mountain bike rides she`s so interested in, bloody hard work Rose stark naked trying to keep up with a 23 year old buxom Swedish former model cycling up mountains.

I find my mind being strongly influenced by that religious character Lucas from Eastenders more and more by the day. He talks a lot of sense and speaks highly of the good lord and his teachings.

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Tue Jun 15, 2010 11:01 am

.....lucus off eastenders . did you know that he is winstons half brother thay where both born in kingston jamaca lucas was a very hyper active child and always got up to all sort of misschief like the time when thay where drinking red stripe on the beech ( he was only nine and a half at the time) and he prostertuted him self to a group of miners from poland . i honestly think that was his down fall and that is why he started to preach the lords gosspal . winston and lucus where never awere that thay where not full brothers untill thayer mother betty told them one day when thay where eating thayer rice and peas that lucus father was emrys thomas a well known buissness man from dinas . he met emrys many years later in the baden powell bar he was so dissmayd to find emrys sitting in the bar with no trousers and pants on making tourrancheler noises that he decided to become a member of the eastenders cast . now he is famous and finanshaly sound, but that day he found his father in the baden has turned him to drink and drugs . i am only glad that winston is of sound mind . :ayatollah:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Tue Jun 15, 2010 11:07 am

so are u on crimewatch tonite then for solicting on the Kings Road after the Chelsea game ?? ;)

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Tue Jun 15, 2010 11:11 am

Martyn1963 wrote:so are u on crimewatch tonite then for solicting on the Kings Road after the Chelsea game ?? ;)

....... i hope not martyn us lot had our own party on the earls court road :ayatollah: :ayatollah:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Tue Jun 15, 2010 11:13 am

you sure it wasnt up the Arsenal ?? :lol:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Tue Jun 15, 2010 11:15 am

Martyn1963 wrote:you sure it wasnt up the Arsenal ?? :lol:

;;;;; i will be honest martyn i like a bit of arsenal but to busy that day. :lol:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:32 pm

mrs harry ramsgate wrote:.....lucus off eastenders . did you know that he is winstons half brother thay where both born in kingston jamaca lucas was a very hyper active child and always got up to all sort of misschief like the time when thay where drinking red stripe on the beech ( he was only nine and a half at the time) and he prostertuted him self to a group of miners from poland . i honestly think that was his down fall and that is why he started to preach the lords gosspal . winston and lucus where never awere that thay where not full brothers untill thayer mother betty told them one day when thay where eating thayer rice and peas that lucus father was emrys thomas a well known buissness man from dinas . he met emrys many years later in the baden powell bar he was so dissmayd to find emrys sitting in the bar with no trousers and pants on making tourrancheler noises that he decided to become a member of the eastenders cast . now he is famous and finanshaly sound, but that day he found his father in the baden has turned him to drink and drugs . i am only glad that winston is of sound mind . :ayatollah:


Mrs Ramsgate I had no idea of this at all, no wonder Lucas went off the rails on finding out Emrys Thomas was his father, If I remember rightly Emrys was a member of that gangster cartel from Dinas, led by Tubbs Leoanard (an evil) bunch. Thanfully Winston is clinically sane, unlike Lucas. We might be holding a seance in the York next Thursday if your interested me, Merlin Hemmings, Charlie Jones and Barbra Wranch. Mrs JBBJ now gone to bed I had intended to watch Crimewatch and take down the Christmas tree and trimmings, but this bloody stupid blonde au pair Imogen wants a tantric sex session. Bloody woman I don`t know why

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Tue Jun 15, 2010 9:38 pm

Myself Imogen and Lucas prayed together that you would not be identified on Crimewatch tonight , and thank the good lord our prayers have been answered. Lucas as now gone out in my Ford Zephyr 1972 model looking for prostitutes, whilst myself and Imogen are having one of our tantric sex sessions, good fun admittedley but by god, they can last upto nine hours, and as you know I have to be up early in the mornings to milk the zebra, I `ll be knackered.

JBBJ

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:34 am

jbbj. would you be interested in selling your zepha to me as a good friend of mine from tonerefail called steve davis cant get his old anglia started . he had a fitter from beebs coaches to have a look at it but cant get the part he needs as mansel recons that anglia stoped making cars two years ago ! any way steve and des probate where up in des house last night smoking that old stuff thay smoke so i wont see steve boy for a few days now as he gets very parinoed after spending the night at des mothers pad . i think the world of des and mrs probate i just wish she had the heart to tell des to get a job and a girl or boy friend as des must be near 60 years of age now ////////// ps can you remember when me you and mansell shaged philip newman in a telephone box out side the meadow vale. :lol: :lol:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Wed Jun 16, 2010 4:34 pm

i got a overhead sidewinder foo foo valve if thats anygood, free to a good home

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:59 pm

mrs harry ramsgate wrote:jbbj. would you be interested in selling your zepha to me as a good friend of mine from tonerefail called steve davis cant get his old anglia started . he had a fitter from beebs coaches to have a look at it but cant get the part he needs as mansel recons that anglia stoped making cars two years ago ! any way steve and des probate where up in des house last night smoking that old stuff thay smoke so i wont see steve boy for a few days now as he gets very parinoed after spending the night at des mothers pad . i think the world of des and mrs probate i just wish she had the heart to tell des to get a job and a girl or boy friend as des must be near 60 years of age now ////////// ps can you remember when me you and mansell shaged philip newman in a telephone box out side the meadow vale. :lol: :lol:


Mrs Ramsgate I would have sold you the Zephyr but that bloody idiot Lucas trashed it last night, crashing into a group of prostitutes, down Tindall Street. I could line Steve Davis up with an hillman minx, for £22 I bought it off Ronnie Rock recently if your interested ? Steve`s never liked me since the time I hid in the boot of Mansel`s Lada, after a Sunday morning watching strippers over the Nonpol club,which certainly added to Steves paranoia. Good news on Des Probate he`s now drug free married to an Iraqi gentleman and working as the British Cultural attache to Venezuela, poor old Mrs Probate now lives in an old peoples home with her doves. I do indeed remember the Newman/telephone affair, though thinking back I seem to recall it was only Mansel who had penetrative sex with him, we were merely observing this sordid spectacle whilst waiting to phone the police to report this act of gross indecency.

Talking of Mansel, he now lives in Brentford and is one of their main boys.

JBBJ

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:04 pm

bluebirdbaz wrote:i got a overhead sidewinder foo foo valve if thats anygood, free to a good home


Baz I will take it of your hands, but not free of charge, thats not fair. I will swap it for that gold plated set of teacups depicting USA presidents that you have always admired.

JBBJ

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:19 pm

my favourite us president was morgan freeman, f*cking ace he was :ayatollah: :ayatollah:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:16 pm

Was he Roger Freestones brother ? Favourite Presidents for me would have to be JFK and Bill Clinton, not through their political qualities just because they both seemed to enjoy sex more than politics.

JBBJ :lol:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Thu Jun 17, 2010 11:59 am

John Bowens brotherj wrote:
mrs harry ramsgate wrote:jbbj. would you be interested in selling your zepha to me as a good friend of mine from tonerefail called steve davis cant get his old anglia started . he had a fitter from beebs coaches to have a look at it but cant get the part he needs as mansel recons that anglia stoped making cars two years ago ! any way steve and des probate where up in des house last night smoking that old stuff thay smoke so i wont see steve boy for a few days now as he gets very parinoed after spending the night at des mothers pad . i think the world of des and mrs probate i just wish she had the heart to tell des to get a job and a girl or boy friend as des must be near 60 years of age now ////////// ps can you remember when me you and mansell shaged philip newman in a telephone box out side the meadow vale. :lol: :lol:


Mrs Ramsgate I would have sold you the Zephyr but that bloody idiot Lucas trashed it last night, crashing into a group of prostitutes, down Tindall Street. I could line Steve Davis up with an hillman minx, for £22 I bought it off Ronnie Rock recently if your interested ? Steve`s never liked me since the time I hid in the boot of Mansel`s Lada, after a Sunday morning watching strippers over the Nonpol club,which certainly added to Steves paranoia. Good news on Des Probate he`s now drug free married to an Iraqi gentleman and working as the British Cultural attache to Venezuela, poor old Mrs Probate now lives in an old peoples home with her doves. I do indeed remember the Newman/telephone affair, though thinking back I seem to recall it was only Mansel who had penetrative sex with him, we were merely observing this sordid spectacle whilst waiting to phone the police to report this act of gross indecency.

Talking of Mansel, he now lives in Brentford and is one of their main boys.

JBBJ

.................... yes i new mansell was running with brentfords main firm(the ruff and ready mob) he is living in denham with his new girl friend barbra windsor and he works in his local library i think he is over that inserdent that happend at the bottom of the york hill now as two of the culpreds who went to jail with him john williams and ernie hopkins have been sectioned under the mental health act of 1763 mansell has a small holding near his new home where he spends most of his time now breeding fantail pigeons and honey badgers his old sparing partner mr hoot gibson talks to him at least twice a week offering sound advice on maintaining the honey badgers and thayer sets, mansell was always a big city swinger and never botherd much with us farm boys, any way jbbj i hope that you have a good crop of maze this summer i had to get my husband to spray mine last week for galloping knob rot , i think ill stick to turnips next year i find them less work and more profit in them.,,,,,,, did you get that stoneisland cromby you wanted .

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Thu Jun 17, 2010 5:02 pm

bluebirdbaz wrote:my favourite us president was morgan freeman, f*cking ace he was :ayatollah: :ayatollah:

,,,,,, yes morgan freman was a giant amongst american free masons the only trouble with this bloke was his inept way of talking to french onion sellers in ponty market :ayatollah:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Thu Jun 17, 2010 7:18 pm

mrs harry ramsgate wrote:
bluebirdbaz wrote:my favourite us president was morgan freeman, f*cking ace he was :ayatollah: :ayatollah:

,,,,,, yes morgan freman was a giant amongst american free masons the only trouble with this bloke was his inept way of talking to french onion sellers in ponty market :ayatollah:


Mrs Ramsgate I am glad to hear Mansel as now sorted himself out, and his running with a notorious gang of football hooligans, his new found enthusiasm for fantails, honey badgers must also be assisting the mans anger management issues. If anyone can keep him on the straight and narrow its Hooty Gibson the mans so understanding. My parsley, beetroot and brocolli crops have been an effing disaster, Emily Bishop from Coronation Street as been helping me out around the small holding, and while Imogen, Lucas and I were pleasuring ourselves in the jacuzzi, that stupid cow Emily left the gate open, leaving the two buffalo`s Graham & Rolf loose in the vegetable patch, they eat the lot. I am being honest here I am not a violent man as you well know, but I was so furious I kicked Emily Bishop unconcious, not a wise move really as I am writing this to you from HM Parc prison on remand.

I failed to get the stone island crombie, but I have got myself a really trendy tartan lumberjacket 1970`s circa. Regarding crops I am sticking to cannabis only next year, purely for medicinal reasons you understand. Just entered "Mad" Johnny Luckwell under the Cardiff hardest fan thread, what an animal that man was, remember the time he attacked his old man Bill Luckwell in York Terrace back lane with a walking stick. Another candidate would have been Brian Morgan, and his dog Sandy, I remember only to well when he went to the York Hotel to kill Dai Lloyd`s doberman Prince/King ? with an axe, after the doberman had attacked Sandy.

JBBJ

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Thu Jun 17, 2010 8:21 pm

jbbj. i would be very careful growing canabis when on remand for importing exotic dancers from thiland , i remember when i was a young girl growing canabis in steve cannons window box when i was arrested thay sent me to holloway young affenders for girls with issues . I FOUND IT VERY RELAXING THERE 3 meals a day warm and dry place to stay it was a lot better than i was used to.as you know only to well that i was brought up in an orphanage in the sudan where i was used as a punch bag by all the men there that is why i end up in floods of tears every time i here about you getting in trouble with the law again you must learn to calm down like unk has he has never looked back after finding the right medecation i think he takes valium and anti histamine pills ,you should give them a try thay work very well on unk , any way i had a phone call off sam hammam last night askin if i would like to go to his home in the lebenon and see if i can find out what is wrong with his favourate fellow hawk he said it is not eating and loosing its fethers , i would exspect he is feeding it to much mint ice cream and if that is the case it is an easy case for me to solve . i am off to llantrisant hospital tomorrow to see my old mate ted banstable he is having a boob job done next week so i am just going to wish him luck and take him his favourate tipple a bottle of cloudy lemonade ...... love rose, :ayatollah: :ayatollah:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Thu Jun 17, 2010 8:53 pm

mrs harry ramsgate wrote:jbbj. i would be very careful growing canabis when on remand for importing exotic dancers from thiland , i remember when i was a young girl growing canabis in steve cannons window box when i was arrested thay sent me to holloway young affenders for girls with issues . I FOUND IT VERY RELAXING THERE 3 meals a day warm and dry place to stay it was a lot better than i was used to.as you know only to well that i was brought up in an orphanage in the sudan where i was used as a punch bag by all the men there that is why i end up in floods of tears every time i here about you getting in trouble with the law again you must learn to calm down like unk has he has never looked back after finding the right medecation i think he takes valium and anti histamine pills ,you should give them a try thay work very well on unk , any way i had a phone call off sam hammam last night askin if i would like to go to his home in the lebenon and see if i can find out what is wrong with his favourate fellow hawk he said it is not eating and loosing its fethers , i would exspect he is feeding it to much mint ice cream and if that is the case it is an easy case for me to solve . i am off to llantrisant hospital tomorrow to see my old mate ted banstable he is having a boob job done next week so i am just going to wish him luck and take him his favourate tipple a bottle of cloudy lemonade ...... love rose, :ayatollah: :ayatollah:


Rose I do appreciate your very wise advise, regarding the growing of cannabis, perhaps I should turn the small holding over to growing opium, which as far as I was told by Dai Oatridge is perfectly legal in South Wales. I feel the medication will maybe help me with these dreadful acts of violence I am usually committing against characters from Soap Operas, Mrs JBBJ had to pull me away from a knife fight with Dot Cotton last wednesday, I feel so foolish after doing it. You and I both now the reasons for it, it goes back to 1987 when I auditioned and was turned down for the role of Amos Brearley in Emmerdale, thats when my violence began. I am sorry to hear about Sam Hammam`s fellow hawks feather problems, I would have travelled over to the Lebanon with you, but Peter Ridsdale as asked me to go up to his mansion in Yorkshire to castrate two of his race horses. He`s a tight b*stard though, he won`t even pay for the anasthestic, so I will have to geld them with both with a Bic razor. Still what can you expect from the Riddler ? Funny you should mention Ted Banstable, have a guess who`s on the same ward as him ? Jimmy Knight I took him in a dozen eggs yesterday. Was`nt there some funny business years ago about old Ted intefering with that young boy who dressed as a rocker living with him ? Anyway I have to go now Rose, myself, Imogen and Lucas are going to have a "themed" threesome evening, where each of us dress in characters of our choice before indulging in all forms of sexual depravity. I am going dressed as the Archbishop of York, Imogen is dressing up as a cyberman/woman and Lucas very strangely is going dressed as Tommy Cooper. It should be intresting. Obviously Mrs JBBJ as been heavily sedated and is unaware of our nocturnal encounters, Give Sam & Ted my best wishes.

JBBJ
nce began.

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Thu Jun 17, 2010 9:50 pm

i seem to be growing a nipple on my big toe


what can i do????

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Fri Jun 18, 2010 6:29 pm

Try putting an antique grecian urn over it, and you must ensure that the urn is filled with a combination of methadone/quavers and most importantly dasish residue. Leave it on your foot for upto 567 days, and hey pretso the nipple will vanish. Another alternative would be to have your foot amputated thus removing the nipple and alas your foot, which might be a bit extreme.

I have a book you can borrow on this subject called Toenippleissues written by Professor Cwald Zlomer of the Geneva Institute of Toenippleology.

JBBJ

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Sat Jun 19, 2010 3:50 pm

John Bowens brotherj wrote:Try putting an antique grecian urn over it, and you must ensure that the urn is filled with a combination of methadone/quavers and most importantly dasish residue. Leave it on your foot for upto 567 days, and hey pretso the nipple will vanish. Another alternative would be to have your foot amputated thus removing the nipple and alas your foot, which might be a bit extreme.

I have a book you can borrow on this subject called Toenippleissues written by Professor Cwald Zlomer of the Geneva Institute of Toenippleology.

JBBJ

,,,,,,,, dear baz and jbbj.
i have a different cure for third nipple syndrome it involves putting the exsses nipple in a five ton vice and tighten the vice up very slowly untill the said nipple starts turning blue then leave the vice attached to the nipple for 48 hours and then remove . there should be no feeling left in the offending teat . then you need a clean rag soak it in castrol gtx for a few hours and stuff it in the patients mouth. this should help with the slight wimpering that may ocur so what you need to do next is tie fishing line(100lb braking strain) around the blue teat and around a greman shepards coller the german shepard will then get a bit sexualy arroused ( germans like this sort of thing )then with a big cerdiff accent shout snell snell when you can see the teat has come off you need to tell fritz to halt halt . after a few hours take the patiant to his local gp for some advice on anti_biotics. hope this helps you both. ps ,,,,,,,, i have a broody old engilsh game bird if you need it to sit on them ostrich eggs you have ill fetch it up after church tommorow.

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Sat Jun 19, 2010 8:58 pm

mrs harry ramsgate wrote:
John Bowens brotherj wrote:Try putting an antique grecian urn over it, and you must ensure that the urn is filled with a combination of methadone/quavers and most importantly dasish residue. Leave it on your foot for upto 567 days, and hey pretso the nipple will vanish. Another alternative would be to have your foot amputated thus removing the nipple and alas your foot, which might be a bit extreme.

I have a book you can borrow on this subject called Toenippleissues written by Professor Cwald Zlomer of the Geneva Institute of Toenippleology.

JBBJ

,,,,,,,, dear baz and jbbj.
i have a different cure for third nipple syndrome it involves putting the exsses nipple in a five ton vice and tighten the vice up very slowly untill the said nipple starts turning blue then leave the vice attached to the nipple for 48 hours and then remove . there should be no feeling left in the offending teat . then you need a clean rag soak it in castrol gtx for a few hours and stuff it in the patients mouth. this should help with the slight wimpering that may ocur so what you need to do next is tie fishing line(100lb braking strain) around the blue teat and around a greman shepards coller the german shepard will then get a bit sexualy arroused ( germans like this sort of thing )then with a big cerdiff accent shout snell snell when you can see the teat has come off you need to tell fritz to halt halt . after a few hours take the patiant to his local gp for some advice on anti_biotics. hope this helps you both. ps ,,,,,,,, i have a broody old engilsh game bird if you need it to sit on them ostrich eggs you have ill fetch it up after church tommorow.


Mrs Ramsgate thats a method of nipple removal I have never heard of before, it sounds great and I will try it on my third nipple tomorrow, where the hell I am going to get hold of a german shepherds another thing, would my mule be okay to use ? Although he`s very stubborn and only understands commands made in Danish, thats where I bought him from, when I was driving for Bebb`s coaches back in 82. The broody old english game hen would be a blessing, could she cover 17 ostrich eggs ? Been having some troubles with the Animal Liberation Front regarding my continued interest in carrying out my own research into animal behaviours and experiments. Their up in arms at the moment, because I have been force feeding my cats Tibbles & Dr John to take 100 ecstasy tablets a day each, in an attempt to see if it as any sort of impact on their behaviour. I cannot see why people get so upset about this sort of thing, you remember the trouble I had when I was forcing my macaw monkey Kram to smoke 120 cigarettes a day in my laborotory to see how it could improve his eyesight. The worlds gone bloody mad. Off to Portugal tomorrow for a week, would you still like me to collect the inflatable blow up doll, for your other half and that large quantity of ketamine you were after. :!:

Theres a good gang of us going Me & Mrs, Imogen, Lucas, Mansel & Christine, Mucker Matthews & missus, Pie, Dunga, Mike Drew, Cyril Berry, Denzil Munkfield, John & Stotty Luckwell, Claude Brown, Mad Layton from Gilfach, Terry Lewis, Paul Thomas`s mother, Loggy, Swainey, Ernie Hopkins, Danny Vinegar, Mervyn the milk, Gwyn from the Shaft, Tad, Peter Piper, The Pink Parrafin man, John Bowen, Beaky and Ringo.

What could possibly go wrong with this sort of company, I ask you.

PS Glad your still attending church every Sunday, you must take great comfort in your religion, and it gets you out of the clutches of that evil husband of yours for a while. I am still dabbling in the occult and devil worshipping we sacrificed a duck this afternoon over the dining table, in the honour of the dark lord, the antichrist. :twisted:
JBBJ

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:29 pm

i hope your holiday goes well for you jbbj it seems you have a nice group of friends going with you the only problem you might find is that portugal at this time of the year has a temp of -40 and i dont think you will be able for that sort of cold i know you where trained in the ancciant art of cold water survival by jack harrgrieves but you are now in your late twentys and it could have a really bad affect on your abilaty to look after all your mates you are taking to this hell hole called portugal . where are you setting sail from i usuaiy launch my boat from trehaford harbour you may know the harrbour master noggins a very nice sort of bloke who with his pal dai bat will advise you on all your sea fering needs and weather forcasts . im glad you decided not to take ticket to the cell (goouse) on you little sworay with you as that man is going from bad to worse last week he was found in the nude opposite st pauls church begging for forgivness for all the evil things he has done to the week and needy ......... i hope he gets his wish as i have a soft spot for the ginger ninja ...... he is the third best shag i have ever had . any way going down to the salvation army now to help them clean their trumpets calling for clive battons who is going to show me the ropes. :ayatollah: :ayatollah:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Mon Jun 21, 2010 6:00 pm

John Bowens brotherj wrote:
mrs harry ramsgate wrote:
John Bowens brotherj wrote:Try putting an antique grecian urn over it, and you must ensure that the urn is filled with a combination of methadone/quavers and most importantly dasish residue. Leave it on your foot for upto 567 days, and hey pretso the nipple will vanish. Another alternative would be to have your foot amputated thus removing the nipple and alas your foot, which might be a bit extreme.

I have a book you can borrow on this subject called Toenippleissues written by Professor Cwald Zlomer of the Geneva Institute of Toenippleology.

JBBJ

,,,,,,,, dear baz and jbbj.
i have a different cure for third nipple syndrome it involves putting the exsses nipple in a five ton vice and tighten the vice up very slowly untill the said nipple starts turning blue then leave the vice attached to the nipple for 48 hours and then remove . there should be no feeling left in the offending teat . then you need a clean rag soak it in castrol gtx for a few hours and stuff it in the patients mouth. this should help with the slight wimpering that may ocur so what you need to do next is tie fishing line(100lb braking strain) around the blue teat and around a greman shepards coller the german shepard will then get a bit sexualy arroused ( germans like this sort of thing )then with a big cerdiff accent shout snell snell when you can see the teat has come off you need to tell fritz to halt halt . after a few hours take the patiant to his local gp for some advice on anti_biotics. hope this helps you both. ps ,,,,,,,, i have a broody old engilsh game bird if you need it to sit on them ostrich eggs you have ill fetch it up after church tommorow.


Mrs Ramsgate thats a method of nipple removal I have never heard of before, it sounds great and I will try it on my third nipple tomorrow, where the hell I am going to get hold of a german shepherds another thing, would my mule be okay to use ? Although he`s very stubborn and only understands commands made in Danish, thats where I bought him from, when I was driving for Bebb`s coaches back in 82. The broody old english game hen would be a blessing, could she cover 17 ostrich eggs ? Been having some troubles with the Animal Liberation Front regarding my continued interest in carrying out my own research into animal behaviours and experiments. Their up in arms at the moment, because I have been force feeding my cats Tibbles & Dr John to take 100 ecstasy tablets a day each, in an attempt to see if it as any sort of impact on their behaviour. I cannot see why people get so upset about this sort of thing, you remember the trouble I had when I was forcing my macaw monkey Kram to smoke 120 cigarettes a day in my laborotory to see how it could improve his eyesight. The worlds gone bloody mad. Off to Portugal tomorrow for a week, would you still like me to collect the inflatable blow up doll, for your other half and that large quantity of ketamine you were after. :!:

Theres a good gang of us going Me & Mrs, Imogen, Lucas, Mansel & Christine, Mucker Matthews & missus, Pie, Dunga, Mike Drew, Cyril Berry, Denzil Munkfield, John & Stotty Luckwell, Claude Brown, Mad Layton from Gilfach, Terry Lewis, Paul Thomas`s mother, Loggy, Swainey, Ernie Hopkins, Danny Vinegar, Mervyn the milk, Gwyn from the Shaft, Tad, Peter Piper, The Pink Parrafin man, John Bowen, Beaky and Ringo.

What could possibly go wrong with this sort of company, I ask you.

PS Glad your still attending church every Sunday, you must take great comfort in your religion, and it gets you out of the clutches of that evil husband of yours for a while. I am still dabbling in the occult and devil worshipping we sacrificed a duck this afternoon over the dining table, in the honour of the dark lord, the antichrist. :twisted:
JBBJ



jack my mate there seems to be quite a few deceased going on your list, will they be travelling as corpses of going in an urn, just for me to make the appropiate travel arrangements with dibs



your obesily


osama baz rivermoose

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:25 pm

baz i do belive jbbj and his good wife have gone on there holidays thay asked if i would remind you to water his flowers and feed the chickins, :ayatollah: :ayatollah:

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:48 pm

*is Confused*

Re: Mrs Ramsgate advice needed urgently

Tue Jun 22, 2010 6:25 am

mrs harry ramsgate wrote:baz i do belive jbbj and his good wife have gone on there holidays thay asked if i would remind you to water his flowers and feed the chickins, :ayatollah: :ayatollah:

just popped over now, so i eat the flowers and watered the chickens :ayatollah: