jokes 2

two snowmen in a field one says "can you smell carrots ?

oh god

well i gotta be careful dont want to get deleted

two snowmen in a field one says "can you smell carrots ?

oh god

well i gotta be careful dont want to get deleted

true.
why did the chicken cross the road.. to get to the otherside.

man gives his wife blood to keep her alive.
Later they split up,
man says, i want my f*cking blood back,
wife throws a tampon at him and says ill pay monthly

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

"f**k me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins".

man gives his wife blood to keep her alive.
Later they split up,
man says, i want my f*cking blood back,
wife throws a tampon at him and says ill pay monthly

Thats disgusting

man gives his wife blood to keep her alive.
Later they split up,
man says, i want my f*cking blood back,
wife throws a tampon at him and says ill pay monthly

Eskimo on vacation in Arkansas .
Car breaks down.
Mechanic looks under the hood and says "y'all gone and blown a seal".
Eskimo says "so what, you f**k sheep!".

Little boy crying in tescos.
Man says " are u lost"?
boy says "yes"
man says "whats your mummy like"?
boy says "big cocks and Bacardi breezers

Two Cannibals are sat eating a clown one turns to the other and says........ 'does this taste funny to you'

Young lady walking through the forest notices an ugly old guy sitting on rock, head between his hands.

Are you a Gobblin?

Nah just got a head ache, fook off

Young lady walking through the forest notices an ugly old guy sitting on rock, head between his hands.

Are you a Gobblin?

Nah just got a head ache, fook off

nice one

What does cabbage and anal sex have in common?..........

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult

will you stop posting about the guy who shot himself,,,,,,,,,, i dont find it raoel moatly funny

will you stop posting about the guy who shot himself,,,,,,,,,, i dont find it raoel moatly funny

groan

I used to be a necrophile, until some rotten c**t split on me

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.....
"No, you've got bowel cancer."(sorry people)

two snowmen in a field one says "can you smell carrots ?

oh god

How do you know a snowman is a snowman?





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Snowballs!!

2 dyslexics storm into a bank and shout
"Air in the hands motherstickers this is a f**k up"

The Joke above about the dyslexics is a cracker.

Saw my neighbour crying outside her house earlier
"Are you ok?" I asked
"No I have been graped" She replied
"Do you mean raped" I suggested
"No there was a bunch of them"

Sorry

In the cemetery i saw 4 men carrying a coffin round & round,
3 hrs later i saw same men with same coffin & i thought 2 myself. ,,,,,,,,they've lost the f*cking plot!

Fabio Capello walks up to a ginger kid kicking a ball against a wall and asks him if he wants to play for England Kid says No I get bullied enough being ginger

Mary Mary Quite Contrary,
How Does Yur Garden Grow??
ii Live In A Flat, Yuu Fuckin tw*t,
How Am i Supposed To Know

Man goes to library & asks for a book on Turrets Syndrome?
Librarian says,"f**k off you daft c**t". Man replies, "Yeah that's the one"

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "f**k off, you won't bring it back."

Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her f*cking appendix out!"

2 dyslexics storm into a bank and shout
"Air in the hands motherstickers this is a f**k up"

Women!! They just dont have a sense of humour. My missus didnt find it nearly as funny as i did when i replaced one of her tampons with a party popper.

whats the difference between a poof and a microwave


microwave wont turn your sausage brown

What have a queer and a milkman got in common.

They both leave cream up yr back passage