L.N.C

A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golfpro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.

He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."

To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"

This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.

He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."

To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"

thats awful, but funny

A guy is on the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says. "I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves. Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some. The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you." She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass." The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus" With that the nun turns around and says "Surprise I'm the bus driver."

It's this man's 33rd birthday. He gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it. At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today." "Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?," asks the Post Office worker. "33," says the man. "Well, have a good day," says the worker. "Thank you," replied the man. To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives. The man says to the old lady, "It's my birthday today." "Oh, happy birthday," says the old lady. "I'm..." "No don't tell me," interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is." "Oh yeah? What's that then," asks the man. "If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are," says the old lady. "I don't believe it." "Well let me prove it!" "I'm not going to let you feel my balls!," says the man. "Oh well, I guess you'll never know then," replies the lady. After a couple of minutes curiosity gets the better of the man and he says, "Oh, okay then, you can do it." After a good feel of the man's balls the woman finally takes her hands out of his pants. "You are 33 years old exactly," she exclaims! "How the f**k did you know that?!," exclaims the man, impressed. "I was behind you in the line at the Post Office," said the lady.

Three men walked by a strip bar they walked in, the first guy licks a £100 note and slaps it on one side of her ass. The next guy also, licks a £100 note and slaps it on the other side of her ass. The third guy walks in takes out a credit card swipes it through her ass and takes the £200.

Three men walked by a strip bar they walked in, the first guy licks a £100 note and slaps it on one side of her ass. The next guy also, licks a £100 note and slaps it on the other side of her ass. The third guy walks in takes out a credit card swipes it through her ass and takes the £200.

I'm sick and tired of having a baby face, I can't even go to the park without paedophiles coming on to me. To ward them off I have to show them my pubes. Pubes are like kryptonite to Paedophiles

There's a new TV series being filmed in Liverpool about a vigilante group.
It's called "The A? A? A? Team".

There's a new TV series being filmed in Liverpool about a vigilante group.
It's called "The A? A? A? Team".

hahaa i loved that one A, A , A, CALM DOWN CALM DOWN

The Pakistani lad who was kidnapped has been offered free tickets for the Swansea game on Saturday, has the poor lad not been through enough already?

weyhey 100 posts on a l.n.c thread

There's a new TV series being filmed in Liverpool about a vigilante group.
It's called "The A? A? A? Team".

hahaa i loved that one A, A , A, CALM DOWN CALM DOWN

Opinions are like orgasms.
Mine's more important and I don't give a f**k if she has one

weyhey 100 posts on a l.n.c thread

GOOD JOB WEVE TALKED ABOUT FOOTBALL LOADS

weyhey 100 posts on a l.n.c thread

GOOD JOB WEVE TALKED ABOUT FOOTBALL LOADS

Football???

I was really sad to see Micheal Jackson's family carrying his coffin on telly, I thought Cool Runnings was on & I love that film

What do old women and dog shit have in common?
The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.

A guy in a pink shirt minces into a gay bar and looks around weighing up the talent.

He spots a well built scouser having a quiet drink at the bar, sidles up to him, nudges him gently and whispers "Can I take you into the gents and give a blow job ?"

The scouser spins round, punches him in the nose, kicks him in the bollocks, picks him up and throws him through the bar window.

"Bloody hell scouse" says the barman, "What was all that about?"

"I dunno - he said something about a job!"

Two boys are playing in the street in Manchester, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young United Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I’m not a United fan," the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we are in Manchester, I just assumed you were." say’s the reporter and starts again.

"Little City Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he starts writing in his notebook.
"I’m not a City fan either," the boy say’s.
"I assumed everyone in Manchester was either a United or City fan. What team, DO you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I’m a Liverpool fan." the boy said.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,

"Scouser Tearaway Kills Beloved Family Pet."

what do you call a scouser in a suit.

the accused.

Little Billy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Billy says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that’s a mouthful."
Little Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob."

been a pleasure as always. got to sleep lads, lobg day in morning.
and the ridddlerwill be gone dead whatever couldnt give a f**k....
tomorrow will be amazing i will be drunk and partying all night long...........I HOPE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?’

The girl said, "NO!’

And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

G'nite milly!
-------------------------

An old couple sat in Church.

During the service the old man whispers to his wife, "I just done a silent fart, what should I do?"

His wife says "Put a fuckin battery in your hearing aid!’
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bedtime, 5 days off work, lots of drink to be doin!

right im off lads, g'nite have a good day and see ya laters.

ptb theseare quality

Fair play, LNC looked a good one tonight and there was me off drinking wine. Bloody students.]


What's red and screams a lot? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.