Advice for a friend

I have a friend who is close to jacking everything in and just leaving and starting again a long way from home, probably in Europe, he said. He's fed up of work, he's fed up of his private life and, although he said he wouldn't dream of putting his family and friends through him topping himself, he says he's had enough. He is seriously thinking of staying in a hotel for a couple of weeks and looking for work doing anything in a country where he doesn't speak the language, but he's got so desperate to just give everything up and have, effectively, nothing. I have said to him it would be heart breaking for me to lose such a good friend, but, ultimately, if he feels that desperate and he feels he has to do something, I said it's hius decision. I just hope if he goes somewhere, he can settle down and be happy.

Anyone know anyone else who has done something similar so I can see him and tell him what could be the stark rewality of life if you do this?

Im so sorry to hear that.......but alot of people have gone and made a new start elsewhere and succeeded, give it a go i say.....could well be a good idea, rather than get too desperate that he might come to harm himself

Im so sorry to hear that.......but alot of people have gone and made a new start elsewhere and succeeded, give it a go i say.....could well be a good idea, rather than get too desperate that he might come to harm himself

Yeah, you're right. I've told hiom something similar at one point, too. If it's getting too bad here, try something else

If he has made the decision he feels like "a change" will make the difference to life or death to him - then he is at the end of his tether..................does his family know he is THAT low that he has mentioned topping himself?

two things to consider here - maybe him telling you he is going away is his final cry for help here! - think carefully

Does he really want to go hundreds of miles away and be lonely and give himself the final reason to do something drastic to himself and be away from family and friends as not to hurt them!

if you think he does just want to go and work he may be good getting a job on a cruise boat or something similar so that the language barriers would not leave him more lonely than just upping sticks to the middle of nowhere!

Handle with care! - speak to his mum and dad and siblings - if he hates you for a few weeks but saves his life so what - if he goes and you say nothing - you will think if only.

good luck and be a friend : )

he should listen to you......as you seem a very concerned and a very good mate

Thanks for the advice, Jez, it does make sense. It's difficult to advise correctly when you have no experience in such matters. But what you say makes sense.

And cheers Hughesygirl!

Good luck Nottageblue.......and Jez is totally right in what he has said!!

Good luck Nottageblue.......and Jez is totally right in what he has said!!

Thanks. And Jez is a she, a very attractive she as well

I was talking to a guy when I was on hols this year in Ibiza , he was so pissed off with the UK he just upsticks and left and decided to stay with friends over there for a few months . He ended up getting a job outside of the tourist industry and is doing ok , it was a gamble that paid off for him tho .

I think we all come to a cross road sometime in our life, not knowing which way to turn, & stuck in a comfort zone. Feel the fear, & do it anyway, bite the bullet & go for it. What have we got to loose???

It's all great advice so far. I knew coming on here and asking would be a good idea. Thanks everyone

It's all great advice so far. I knew coming on here and asking would be a good idea. Thanks everyone

does your friend have trade as such or a qualifiction to take into a job abroad ?

My mates brother did something similar 27 years ago when he simply gave up everything and jumped on a plane to Duesseldorf after watching an episode of Auf Wiedersehen Pet

The last I heard he was still there and had rebuilt a completely new life for himself. It does work sometimes.

It's all great advice so far. I knew coming on here and asking would be a good idea. Thanks everyone

does your friend have trade as such or a qualifiction to take into a job abroad ?

No, Martyn, office work. Customer service in fact. But a big, strong bloke though who likes a bit of hard graft and that's what he's thinking, maybe he can pick something like that up. He's mentioned Germany and France as good places to settle down

My mates brother did something similar 27 years ago when he simply gave up everything and jumped on a plane to Duesseldorf after watching an episode of Auf Wiedersehen Pet

The last I heard he was still there and had rebuilt a completely new life for himself. It does work sometimes.

Amazingly, that programme almost inspired me to become a German brickie when I left school

sorry jez

sorry jez

thas okies - he should have kept quiet! lol

sorry jez

thas okies - he should have kept quiet! lol

Maybe I should have. But then you'd have only had a go at me for keeping quiet!!!

i also a female but i aint attractive

I sympathise with you and your friend. It is hard for both of you but at least he has confided in you. Under a year ago redundancy was looking a major possibility for me and at my lowest ebb my wife left me. I got great mates (one who posts on here regularly) but I never told anyone how I was feeling (and I admit I was quite low). So , I reckon your mate not only told you asking for advice but also for action , ie talking to his family and doing things to either help him with his life here or to help him make the break. Keep in touch with him !!!

I sympathise with you and your friend. It is hard for both of you but at least he has confided in you. Under a year ago redundancy was looking a major possibility for me and at my lowest ebb my wife left me. I got great mates (one who posts on here regularly) but I never told anyone how I was feeling (and I admit I was quite low). So , I reckon your mate not only told you asking for advice but also for action , ie talking to his family and doing things to either help him with his life here or to help him make the break. Keep in touch with him !!!

Thanks Gareth. Everyone's help on here has been superb. Like I said, I knew I'd come to the right place

I sympathise with you and your friend. It is hard for both of you but at least he has confided in you. Under a year ago redundancy was looking a major possibility for me and at my lowest ebb my wife left me. I got great mates (one who posts on here regularly) but I never told anyone how I was feeling (and I admit I was quite low). So , I reckon your mate not only told you asking for advice but also for action , ie talking to his family and doing things to either help him with his life here or to help him make the break. Keep in touch with him !!!

Thanks Gareth. Everyone's help on here has been superb. Like I said, I knew I'd come to the right place

You're with mates here , exactly how your friend is with you , listen to him , help him !!!

I sympathise with you and your friend. It is hard for both of you but at least he has confided in you. Under a year ago redundancy was looking a major possibility for me and at my lowest ebb my wife left me. I got great mates (one who posts on here regularly) but I never told anyone how I was feeling (and I admit I was quite low). So , I reckon your mate not only told you asking for advice but also for action , ie talking to his family and doing things to either help him with his life here or to help him make the break. Keep in touch with him !!!

Thanks Gareth. Everyone's help on here has been superb. Like I said, I knew I'd come to the right place

You're with mates here , exactly how your friend is with you , listen to him , help him !!!

I will do, thanks

It's good that he chose to confide in you. Most people bottle it up until its too late, and a stupid act has been done (like topping yourself, as you said). You said he's planning on leaving the country - does that include his immediate family (e.g. wife, kids etc.) or is that just him? If it includes his family, then it won't be as bad if he ups sticks and leaves - although that depends on where he goes. If it's to a foreign country, it can be hard to adapt. Especially for his family. It's a hard call - will there be jobs for him in the country that he goes to?

There are pro's and con's for both, but whatever he finally decides you just need to make sure that you're there for him and support him as much as possible (as long as supporting him doesn't lead to him doing anything stupid).

It's good that he chose to confide in you. Most people bottle it up until its too late, and a stupid act has been done (like topping yourself, as you said). You said he's planning on leaving the country - does that include his immediate family (e.g. wife, kids etc.) or is that just him? If it includes his family, then it won't be as bad if he ups sticks and leaves - although that depends on where he goes. If it's to a foreign country, it can be hard to adapt. Especially for his family. It's a hard call - will there be jobs for him in the country that he goes to?

There are pro's and con's for both, but whatever he finally decides you just need to make sure that you're there for him and support him as much as possible (as long as supporting him doesn't lead to him doing anything stupid).

No, just him, Dafydd. He has no family, apart from his folks and siblings so he's not taking a whole family away.

Then that makes things harder and easier. If he decides to up sticks and leave, then it'll be easier for him to adapt because it'll just be him that has to learn the language. However, it'll also be harder as he'll be alone wherever he goes. Yes, you can make new friends, but the alone feeling of nobody you really know can be really hard to get used to.

As I said, and others have said, you just need to make sure that he keeps talking to you, and you talk to him, and try and support him as best you can.

Then that makes things harder and easier. If he decides to up sticks and leave, then it'll be easier for him to adapt because it'll just be him that has to learn the language. However, it'll also be harder as he'll be alone wherever he goes. Yes, you can make new friends, but the alone feeling of nobody you really know can be really hard to get used to.

As I said, and others have said, you just need to make sure that he keeps talking to you, and you talk to him, and try and support him as best you can.

Thanks, Dafydd, I have told him all these things but it's good to hear people confirm these as well

Anytime. As everyone has said, we're all friends here