Thu Feb 04, 2010 10:45 pm
I strongly suspect some shenanigans going on here....
It is very nearly the hallowed and sacred chasing of the egg season when the whole of Wales goes back several million years in time pf (pre football) to the days of Tyrannosaurus Jones (Rex to his his mates) to worship the day, Oh that day, the glorious day that Jones picked up the brontasurous' egg and ran the full length of South America safely burying the egg in a pile of Stegasaurus shit. Oh our Rex was happy, he bounced around, skipped, jumped for joy as he knew when he returned to upper triasic cwmtwych all the female tyrannosaurus' would be ready for a good beating, the brontausous' would be wearing their sparkly hats, their hind legs open wider than brynglas tunnel, Oh what fun he would have. But wait, the enemy, the Englishasaurus (yes the saxon tribe spoke Italian in those days) were encroaching upon his hidden egg, he must guard the egg, must ensure the victory, too late to give up now, but what to do?
Rex didn't have much time to think, it's now or never, the enlishasaurus' are closing in for the kill, to steal his egg, the last egg of a race facing oblivian I must save the egg, I must. His troubled mind fought against itself, the very fibres of his mind fighting like a swansian with twin sisters, do I fight, do I run, my egg my egg. Then he noticed. Out of the corner of his bruised, battered, singular eye. The annuals, those shy but unsteady creatures that come out but once a year, maybe twice or thrice if the weather is nice, to witness such events, the emotion started to well , this is my FA cup final, I must save this egg but how...As the torment thrust like an episode of east enders painfully through his anguished mind, he saw those tall, tall so tall they nearly touched the sky trees, reaching like football goalposts into the sky Oh Oh if only he thought. Then he saw them, the small but friendly PualThorburnices', eyes wide open like small rodents from the valeeys. Can it be done, it is a huge distance could I get my egg through those trees? Oh please, please Johno Cleeseasauous I beg of you pleae. Rex took a step back, the englishasaurus' had finished their their ritual cleaning of anus' with tongues and were bearing down upon him, he had secons now, only seconds dragging and dragging, its now or never, now or never. He picked up his little egg, his cherished his eggbut in a sexual way more a egg to egg sort of stick up your bum sort of way, took a step back then gave the egg an almighty boot, yes he kicked it towards the trees that looked football post but weren't, a huge seige cannon of a boot, it sailed higher and higher, the englishasaurus' followed with their mean, pig like eyes as the egg sailed far above their eyes, the rodents were squeeking, the maclranjockanoids were wanking vigourously and all the dinasour's upper triasic cwmtwch were grateful. Rex had done it, he had saved the egg, he could feel the energy rushing through his body, from the single brain cell to the tippy tippy tippy of his toes, he felt good, strong, stronger than he had ever felt, f*cking englishasaurus' bastards, I'm going to shit just the other side of that tree bridge of theirs then we'll see if they have it! Come on then he felt himslef utter, ney shout, shout so loud, lets ave it you englishasaurus bastards and charged headlong towards them, too late he thought I'm on my own as the englishasaurus bastards, bounced up then down, then up again, then down, then up again. It was then, only then just at that particular moment in time, when things seem to freeze, oh it's not wasn't the fact he was outnumbered , no it was something else. the world seemed bright but yet dim, he sensed, felt somewhere in his very being that something was wrong, very very wrong. Had the mythical bringer of doom returned to the fabled city of legend? The one city every living creature on the planet dreamed of, the city only spoken of in whispered voices,the City, the one and only City, that City that City called Caarrddifffff? But no no so bright so so bright, flash, my egg, my egg thought Rex as imprinted his last words on his little egg as it sailed through the sky. Rex only felt a slight burning of his skin when the 40 mile wide asteroid hit, he started to look down at the burning skin but was vapourised before his brain recieved the messages of pain. Rex died happy knowing that his message was on the egg, a white egg and would carry on for time eternal.
Sixty five million years later around half past two on a sunday morning Dai and Max are out for a walk. Ear, look you like init Dai, big day next saturaduy init like, rrrugby on the telly and everything init. Aye says Max, playing the english cunts init, all the girls'll be drunk and we might get a shag yer this time init. Ar but f**k um the english like, stole our jobs and everything init. f**k um, we'll beat um on saturday init, that'll f**k um like. Won't know what im will they. Max looks down, whats this Dai look yer now init quickly, fuckin ell its a rugby ball and it's got summat written on it. What is it Max enquires Dai, f*cking ell dun know mate, Tyranical Rex or summat, give it yer like you tw*t says Dai I can propper init....
DANGER UNEXPLODED BOMB
If only Carlsburg wrote this kind of shit
Sorry, bit pisse tonight