JOKE NIGHT

Mental patient is in the pyschiatric unit when a nurse catches him with his cock in between 2 biscuits. She says what are you doing? He replies '"I'm f*cking crackers"

Joke
by Gareth (Wilts) » Mon Feb 15, 2010 6:56 pm

Rooney goes home and tells Colleen that John Terry had shagged every England players wife apart from one. Colleen says'yeah, i bet it is posh spice, the stuck up cow!'

joke
by sleepers » Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:05 pm

jordan told alex that she wanted a white wedding
he replied thank f**k for that tha harvey gives me the willies

Chaos reigns at the winter olympics after the luge death. The Irish bobsleigh team are now refusing to compete until the course is gritted first.

My doctor told me i was Suffering with paranoia,well he didn't actually say that, but I know that's what he was thinking.

the reports that peter ridsdale was caught having sex with a 85 year old
were wrong he was caught with a hiati 5 year old alledged

4 blokes in a prison cell. A zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac and a gay. The zoophile says "if there was a cat in here i'd shag it till i pass out". The sadist nods & says "once your done with it i'd torture it to death". The necrophiliac sighs and says "oh yeah and once it was dead i'd shag it till i pass out". The gay bloke sitting in the corner very softly says "meow....."

Which one is the odd one out?

A shark, A crab, A lobster and a Jack



The shark, all the others wear a shellsuit and pinch like f**k

Paddy and Murphy out at sea,Paddy is getting ready to dive in and Murphy asks Why do divers dive backwards into the sea?
To which Paddy replies i'll still be in the boat if i dived forwards you thick c***t.

since my dear old mother in law went senile all she does all day is stare throu the window...bless her. maybe 1 day if its really really fuckin cold i`ll let her in !!

did you hear about the Irish bloke who always wore 3 condoms? To be sure to be sure to be sure

Last edited by The Rhooster on Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

A woman has been admitted to hospital with a hoover nozzle wedged in her c**t.Although she`s still in intensive care doctors say,she`s picking up nicely!

i bought the wife a bag and belt for valentine day
the hoover working great now

WHAT'S RED AND INVISIBLE?
by BigGwynram » Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:22 pm

No tomatoes.

First unread post • 1 post • Page 1 of 1
joke
by robbo » Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:54 pm

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Newcastle, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!



So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, my god!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, Have a Strong Romantic Streak, and can cook.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store in the Metro Centre.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have big boobs, and always ask their husbands if they would like a cold beer while watching Sky Sports.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
robbo

Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 5:20 pm

man sat next to his dying wife layed in bed,
she says "theres something i must confess"
man says "shhh theres nothing to confess, everythings gonna be alright"
wife replies "no i must die in peace, i shagged your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!!"
"i know" he whispers, "thats why i poisoned you, you tw*t, now close your eyes!!"

I was working by the Liberty stadium today and saw six season tickets nailed to a tree, I thought I'll have those you can never have enough nails can you

The missus said to me last night 'why don't we make love like they do in film's?' So i bent her over the table and f@cked her up the arse then came over her face. It turns out we don't watch the same films!!!!!!

I just dumped my cross eyed girlfriend the c**t was seeing someone else

did you hear about the magic tractor?
it drove down the lane and turned into a field

2 jacks in bed togethor one says "I dont think much of this wife swapping thing"

what have chlamydia and a cheating husband got in common?

my wife's got them both and she doesn't know.

I still remember play time at school, a bit of footy, sneaking a quick fag & trying to finger girls behind the bike sheds..........


I f@cking loved that caretakers job!!!!!!

Mental patient walks into a phsychiatrists office wearing nothing but cling film for pants. He asked Phsychiatrist - "do you think I got a problem?" he replies yes, I can clearly see your nuts - boo boom

here's on my daughter told me

how many knees can you get in a pair of tights?

3 your left knee your , your right knee, and your fanny

Midgit shortage.

stationary store moves

do midgets get short changed ?