***Help me Plaese***

Im Best man in my mates wedding in the summer, so I got to a speach can anyone help me with some lines please?

Shitting myself I am

google.com loads on net...

Little trick.

Stand up to give your speach, but before you do, pull a pair of womens knickers out of your pocket and give them to one of the bridesmaids saying "You left these"

"Welcome everyone on such a happy day. Before I start", turn to groom, "let me just say that she's a 100% improvement on the last one. You know, the one who insisted on the Vegas chapel, Elvis to marry you and velour tracksuits as wedding clothes"

"Welcome everyone on such a happy day. Before I start", turn to groom, "let me just say that she's a 100% improvement on the last one. You know, the one who insisted on the Vegas chapel, Elvis to marry you and velour tracksuits as wedding clothes"

Mate, no one looks forward to the best man's speech.....its over rated.

Just keep it simple and thank the right people..........don't mix up the stag night with the BM speech.

Mate, no one looks forward to the best man's speech.....its over rated.

Just keep it simple and thank the right people..........don't mix up the stag night with the BM speech.

You right mate, the Stag is far more importent. But there is Pressure on me doing a good speach

Mate, no one looks forward to the best man's speech.....its over rated.

Just keep it simple and thank the right people..........don't mix up the stag night with the BM speech.

Agree, just keep it simple and dont go on and on, break the ice with, Its an emotional day for all today, even the cakes in tiers.

I was best man some years back for a m8 in Newcastle! I wrote down what i was going to say and was shitting myself with fear!!! I stood up and coud'nt see what i had wrote so off my head said i met him in sheffield in 1982 at a game against Sheffield Wednesday! He shouted something to me about Wednesday and i replied something about Newcastle and the next thing we were thrown into back of a van in handcuffs!!!! Got all the room in stitches but i was telling the truth!!!!
Never do one ever again! terrIfying it is!!!!!!!

Finish off with ...And now I'd like to make a toast to the love of Dave's life...Cardiff City!!!

Im Best man in my mates wedding in the summer, so I got to a speach can anyone help me with some lines please?

Shitting myself I am

I wrote mine out 3 times once and in the end I tore it up and spoke what was on My Mind and what I really believed, had a few good laughs from everyone as Said a few stupid things.

whats the bets cheg will say a cracking speech then chuck in THURSDAY NIGHT EAT FOR A FIVER ONLY AT THE BRUNSWICK at the end

Im Best man in my mates wedding in the summer, so I got to a speach can anyone help me with some lines please?

Shitting myself I am

They say being best man is an honour but so would shagging the Queen but you wouldn't really want to do that either would you.

Or pretend you have a stutter and you will get sympathy laughs.

Remember the room, it's not just about gags for the lads. If you can please gran as well, all the better for your mate in the future. Oh and say something really nice about the bride WITHOUT it being suggestive.

May sound boring but I have cringed for the whole family at some weddings when the speech was like Chubby Brown in Blackpool.

Im Best man in my mates wedding in the summer, so I got to a speach can anyone help me with some lines please?

Shitting myself I am

They say being best man is an honour but so would shagging the Queen but you wouldn't really want to do that either would you.

Or pretend you have a stutter and you will get sympathy laughs.

say this....a wise man once told me the best man speech should last as long as the groom makes love, so thats me done....and sit down.

Ive been Best Man twice and its a thankless task...when i hear of some of the one liners that are used i cringe!You gotta remember that your audience is from 8-80 and lads gags wont please everyone and even offend some.Keep it short ,simple and remember to pass the buck and get others to make speeches as well and get on with reading the Cards out cos 90% of guests want to hear their names mentioned ...oh and get a haircut!lol

Stand up, point at the bride and start a chorus of "she's got clamydia, she's got clamydia, sheeeeeee's got clamydia, she's got clamydia"... try and get loads to join in.

How about....

"I really hope you enjoy the honeymoon in North Wales....."

Then, when they look all confused you say to your mate

"Oh, it's just you said after you got married you were going to Bangor (Bang her) for a week"

"Being asked to be best man is a bit like being asked to make love to Queen" "It's a great honour but no one really wants to do it"

" Me & xxxx have been through a lot together over the years and I can tell you it's big relief to see that none of them are here today"

How about....

"I really hope you enjoy the honeymoon in North Wales....."

Then, when they look all confused you say to your mate

"Oh, it's just you said after you got married you were going to Bangor (Bang her) for a week"

Ladies and Gentlemen... we have a winner.

say " your ex wants to see you" and have someone bring in a blow up doll. also thank everyone for coming, even the ones who weren't invited.

I wish that I could help you mate, but for all the weddings that I have been invited to I have never been allowed to make it past the stag do's for some unknown reason...!

Just don't do what I did.

First time I managed to set fire to a big card and almost wreck the whole thing.

Unaware that the back of the card had caught fire, I couldn't understand why people found me so funny when I was only reading cards.

The second time, I pulled out a press clipping of my mate being arrested at the football folowing a pitch invasion demo, unaware that he had never told his folks about it.

Quality.

do like on gavin and stacey i would like to raise a toast then pull out some slices of toast.