ONE LINE JOKES PLEASE

Lets liven things up

Ridsdale in reply to mark bloom implying that he lied about the season ticket scam.

It was a myth that I faied to stop and I as the Chairman apologise for this.

Q: How do you circumcise a Jack?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

whats slimy , cold, long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger

Woman buys a wall mirror from B&Q. The Manager says "Do you want a screw for that ?" "No" she said... But I will suck your cock for a kitchen.

Q: How do you circumcise a Jack?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

What do you call an afghan virgin?
Never bin laid on

whats slimy , cold, long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger

Ridsdale's motto - If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. "Well I got you to Wembley"

Inland Revenue: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. (yeah right - not if Ridsdale's a director)
and then;

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Q. What is the difference between "oooooohhhhh" and "aaaaaahhhhhh"?
A. About 3 inches

They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken

Lets liven things up

I don't get that

when i was young i was scared of the dentist, he was a pedofile.........................................
suppose it begs the question of how many fillings did he give me

whats slimy , cold, long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger

great minds think alike

A couple of old ladies are sitting on the sea front enjoying the sun when a streaker runs past , one had a stroke the other couldn't reach

hubby is in bed reading, now and again he sticks his hand down the sheet and touches his wifes fanny.

wife takes off her knickers, husband turns and says not tonight love im reading.

so why did you start foreplay then,

i didnt says the husband i had to wet my fingers to turn the pages.

Paddy told me "he's shagging his girlfriend & her twin," I said "how the fook can you tell them apart", he replied "well her brothers got a moustache!!!!"